THE ENGLISH SHOWMAN.
YOU, my leetle dears, you 've paid your money, and you shall see the grand and glorious sights of 'istory and nature, vich vill henlarge the hintelleckt and gratify the cravinks of the expandin' soul for the glorious and sublime facts and figgers of this revolvin' and orbicular planet upon vich the 'uman family at present resides! Hevin' blowed your noses, you will please hobserve the rules of propri-arity. Don't scrouge, nor say "Oh!" and don't breathe on the vinderpanes! SCENE FUST: Napoleon at the Pyramids. - Napoleon may be seen vith the naked eye a sittin' upon his favorite dromedary, and a sayin', "Go 'long, you beast! Forty centuries air a lookin' down on us." In the background you vill notice the Pyramids, vich was builded by the ambitious and notorious kings of Egypt, vich caused the death of several 'undred thousand people, - Jews and others, - for to build them, all for their own selfish plans, which was wrong. Upon the extreme right notice the ferocious charge of the abandoned and in every way profligate Mamelukes, - derived from two Greek works, mammy, mamy, and look, look, - so called because ven young and left by the mothers, who goes a verkin' for the day, ven they sees them a comin' home, they cries, "Mammy, look!" - mamy, look, - hence called Mammylukes. Likevise, in the centre the piles of dying; in the foreground the same; and on the left the Hegyptian general a tearing of his 'air and a cussin' in the 'Ebrew tongue, him not bein' allowed to cuss in Harabic, because of the peculiarly stringent nature of his religion! SCENE NO. 2: Death of Lord Nelsing. - On the right you vill notice a French ship a blowin' up, vith the materials on board a goin' con-trary to the laws of the attraction of gratification, and a goin' up instead of a comin' down, - all the result of the British waller. On the left a gun is a bustin', with nothink left a standin' within reach. In the foreground Lord Nelsing in the hagonies of death, and yet a-sayin' to the coxswain, who says, "Can I do anythink, Lord Nelsing?" says he. "Nothink," says his lordship, quite hearty-like, and dies. SCENE NO. 3: The Pelican of the Desert, as mentioned by the Prophet Job in the Hacts of the Apostles, derived from two Latin words - peli, fish, and can, can - signifying fish-can. By some commentators thought to mean that he can manage fish; but by others supposed to refer to the size of his enormous bill, on vich he carries home his fish to his family, ven, in case of their running short, he nobly begins a pecking of hisself onto the breast, and a sayin', in his vay, "I dies for those I loves," - a be-autiful motto, my little dears, for your copy-books and your antecedent lives. The unusual heft of his bill makes him appear lopsided; but a kind Providence and the visdom of Beneficent Nature has counteracted this seemin' top-heaviness by a balancin' on to the end of his hyber-uncu-lated tail a number of heavy quills, vich balances him quite even-like, and accounts for his peculiar and ondignified 'abit of rockin' hisself to sleep with vone hoigh shut and with t' other hoigh hopen! SCENE NO. 4: Battel of Vaterloo. - In the background you vill notice Napoleon, behind a tree, him a taking precious good care to be out of 'arm's vay, and a lookin' occasionally at the redcoats thro' a small spyglass, occasionally a stampin' of his foot and a kickin' of his unoffendin' 'oss, vich had nothink for to do with his defeat! In the foreground you vill hobserve the Duky Vellinkton a valkin' amid the cannon-balls, him not carin' one straw for the smell of powder or the flying bullets, a wavin' of his 'at and a laffin' at the French soldiers, vich makes them pecooliarly morbid, - a big word, meaning sick at the stomach! SCENE NO. 5: The Gorilla, 'Ippopotamus, and Dodo, bein' the most wonderful specimens of beast, bird, and fish in the vorld. The gorilla resides in the tropics and eats flesh, and is particularly fond of dissentin' missionaries, vich he relishes vith avidity and then laffs, not knowink as how he has done wrong, because devoid of all sense of right, and the law of morals. The 'ippopotamus, also mentioned by the Prophet Job under the name of Behemoth, varies the monotony of his other wise hor'nary and hinsipid life by livin' sometimes in the vater and sometimes on the land, - a happy faculty, vich secures him ag'in' all danger of drowning ven a travellin' by vater! The dodo likevise, a vonderful bird from New 'Olland, same size all the way round, don't valk much and can't fly, heats vat it can get, and dies ven it can't get nothink more! SCENE 6TH AND LAST: John Vesley a Preaching. - In the centre John is a standin' before a big stun, a declamin' agin the worldly bishops. In the foreground people a hollerin', "Down vith the Hestablishment!" vich means the Church of Hingland. On the right you vill hobserve his 'oss, a tied to a tree-box, a pawin' of the ground and a vishin' for his hoats; and on the extreme left the bishops from the races, a sittin' in the vaggon, vith their gownds on, a listenin', and a lookin' werry black at some raggid boys and girls a sayin', "Vat do ye think of that kind of preachin', you old coveies? Beat that if you can, you bloated haristocrats!"