BREVITIES.

IMPOSSIBLE.

"OH, dear!" she exclaimed, "it's no use;

I no longer will worry my brain.

I grow more confused with each word,

And I never can make myself plain."

Said he: "Why of course you cannot;

For since Nature has done all she could

To make you so otherwise, how

Could you make yourself plain, if you would?"

CHESS is in favor at Yale.

THE Lampoon will be out on Thursday.

THE University Crew is still on the water.

THE Glee Club concert last night was a success.

HASTY PUDDING theatricals take place to-night.

NOTE books in Physics 2 must be handed in before December 21.

THE Beacon of Boston University has issued a holiday number.

AN unknown thing, - the constitution of the Tennis Association.

MR. Jas. Robinson will probably have forty men in training next spring.

MR. BLAINE is in favor of a modification of the Clayton-Bulwer treaty.

MR. J. M. BURCH is coaching the new men who are trying for the Junior Crew.

H. R. EDWARDS, '83, has been elected a member of the Natural History Society.

A COMPLETE set of the Lampoon, First Series, is now on sale at Sever's.

MR. FRELINGHUYSEN assumed the duties of Secretary of State yesterday.

MR. CHASE, '82, has been elected Captain of the Amherst University Nine.

THE Echo kindly informs us that College bills will be out December 22. So shall we.

WHAT we would like to see, - the Harvard Echo have more news. - Yale News.

THERE are several new men training to spar at the winter meeting of the H. A. A.

THE Yale News speaks very flatteringly of Mr. Riddle's readings in New Haven.

IT is probable that Goodnough, '82, will be unable to stroke the Senior Crew this year.

THE Christmas cards at Sever's and Amee's well repay careful examination for their artistic merit.

MR. SETH LOW, lately elected Mayor of Brooklyn, has been made a Trustee of Columbia College.

G. E. LOWELL, '83, and H. Lloyd, '83, have been elected members of the Philological Society.

MESSRS. J. R. OSGOOD & CO'S Christmas card advertisement is one of the most artistic we have ever seen.

THE Sunday Herald says that we attempt to do too much in athletics and that we do not sufficiently concentrate our energy.

IN the late Hare and Hounds run some of the hounds came home in a carriage. The run was, however, very successful.

THE last Advocate makes a very good suggestion about having reserved shelves for books relating to themes and forensics.

A NEW song by Mr. Moses King, - If you have but fifty cents, spend it for the quadruple number of the Harvard Register.

WHY do girls kiss each other, while boys do not? Because girls have nothing better to kiss and the boys have. - Yale News.

THE Literary World thinks that Harvard should have a Shakspere professorship, and wishes Mr. Hudson to fill it. "Can such things be?"

A WELLESLEY COLLEGE girl heard her father criticised severely across a dinner-table. The critic paused a minute to say, "I hope he is no relative of yours, Miss?" Quick as thought she replied, with the utmost nonchalance, "Only a connection of my mother's by marriage." - Varsity.

THE feeling at Yale seems to be against a contest in general athletics between the two colleges. A definite decision will be made later in the spring.

THE Glee Club concert at Hingham on Friday night was a complete success. The Club was hospitably entertained by the ladies and gentlemen of the place.

"Do you wear a pad?" "No; but my cousin's dad, whose health was bad, ever since he was a lad, he wears a pad; isn't it sad?" "Yes it is, egad." - Rambler.

THE Christmas subscription for Billy has turned out very well; and those who collected it feel especially grateful to Professor C. J. White for his liberal contribution.

A CHAPTER of a serial now running in one of our exchanges begins thus: "The next day was Saturday." We should infer from this that the day before was Friday.

IT is rumored that Mr. Chalfant will row after Christmas. We trust that the report will prove true and that we shall see him once more pulling No. 7; where he has done such good work.

THE item in the last Crimson, stating that the Glee Club would make a trip through the West during the Christmas vacation, referred to that of Yale, and should have been credited to the News.

"SUIPER, do you know when you attempt to make a pun you remind me very much of Batkin's new paper?" "How is that, Dingus?" "Why, because you tri-weekly." Dingus will be able to attend to his duties about the first of March. - Acta.

RIMES.OH, far more fair she standeth there

Than poet's pen can tell;

In silken sheen like any queen, -

My lovely demoiselle.

"In earth or air there's none so fair

And none I love so well."

"Oh, no," said she, "you can't mean me," -

My saucy demoiselle.

And her I told of knights so bold,

And told of villains fell,

Asked that I might be her true knight, -

My blushing demoiselle.

But still will she my empress be,

Wherever I may dwell,

And still her smile my heart beguile,

My peerless demoiselle.

W. W. M.FOR the benefit of their eight subscribers, we correct the following Aberrations: A model proposal should have been A modest proposal; with should have been with; jittle should have been little; the editorial article on Josiah Quincy should have been written eight months ago, since the name has been on the statue since last spring; to who should have been to whom; the "Proctors' Table Talk" should have been freed of a few vulgarities; and the "Proposal," whether "Model" or "Modest," should not have been accepted.

MATTER-OF-FACT Freshman to go-as-you-please Freshman on the morning of the Physics examinations: "Say, Ned, got this down pretty fine?"

Go-as-you-please Freshman: "Well, about as fine as I could get it, and still have it legible," as he shook out a little piece of cardboard from his coat-sleeve.

IT may be interesting to those who enjoy the invigorating sport to know that there is good skating near the railroad bridge at the foot of Kirkland Street. The distance is hardly half as great as to Fresh Pond.

THEATRES.BOSTON THEATRE. - 7.30 P.M.; Matinee, Saturday at 2 P.M. For the rest of this week last performances of "Michael Strogoff," which has held the boards at this theatre for three months. Next week, Her Majesty's Opera Company, for a limited engagement.

BOSTON MUSEUM. - 7.45 P.M.; Matinees (this week) Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday afternoons at 2 P.M. "Patience" at the Matinees and on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday evenings. Friday evening, Benefit of Mr. Charles Barron in "Scraps of Paper" and "Katharine and Petruchio." Saturday night, Dion Boucicault, in "Colleen Bawn."

GAIETY THEATRE. - 8 P.M.; Matinees Wednesday and Saturday at 2. For the rest of this week, Hyde and Behman's "Muldoon's Picnic."

GLOBE THEATRE. - 7.45 P.M.; Wednesday and Saturday at 2. For the rest of the week, Comeley-Barton Company in "Madame Favart." Catherine Lewis, Minnie Walsh, Fred. Leslie, H. A. Cripps, and John Howson in the cast. Chorus of 75 voices, and a Grand Military Procession. As played at the Strand Theatre, London, over nine hundred nights.

PARK THEATRE. - 7.45 P.M.; Matinee Saturday at 2. Booth. Tuesday, "Merchant of Venice." Wednesday evening, "King Lear." Thursday, Friday, and Saturday evening, "Richard III." Saturday afternoon, "Richelieu." Suggested by Bella Pateman and Samuel W. Piercy.

MR. MESSENGER, of the firm of Messenger Bros. & Jones, Tailors, of Boston, sails for Europe to select their confined styles for the Spring season on January 4, in the Gallia.