PROFESSOR, HOW COULD YOU!
George M. Cohan in a special article written for the Chicago Tribune has shown unsuspected generosity and devotion to Harvard. Discussing Harvard's loss of Professor Baker, this inveterate joker turns tragedy into farce, and concludes: "If there is anything I can do to help Harvard.... I'll be only too delighted to hop on to Cambridge once or twice a week with my dancing shoes and give the boys buck and wing lessons."
To this overwhelming offer is appended a condition. "Mind you," says he, "I'm not looking for a job. I absolutely refuse to accept any salary for the work. All I ask is railroad fares back and forth and a raccoon coat."
Before the eyes of the student oppressed by the requirements for concentration and distribution, this offer may call up bright visions. He may dream of a new day when, instead of concentrating in Anthropology, he may throw his whole soul into the Technique of Musical Reviews: when, instead of Chemistry or Physics under Professor Obtuse, he may satisfy the science requirement by taking Analysis of Form (laboratory course) under Professor George M. Cohan.
It would be a simple matter to establish an endowment to insure the payment of "faros back and forth". And, as for the raccoon coat, though the winter is still young, Max Keezer could doubtless find one he would be willing to part with at a sacrifice.
So much for the purely material considerations. Unfortunately, however, there is another side which cannot be overlooked. "Broadway" is a great national treasure which must be maintained at all costs. And what would become of Broadway if George M. Cohen should desert it--even for a few hours a week?
The thought is too terrible to dwell upon. With grateful tears John Harvard can only shake his head and murmur: "Thank you, George, but it cannot be."