In order that the unfortunate four out of every five may understand the snag of their dental downfall, the great American Tooth Brush King, from the quiet and seclusion of Atlantic City, yesterday divulged the following information. America must use 330,000,000 tooth brushes a year; at present barely 40,000,000 are plied and discarded.
Dissecting these figures by Business School methods of analysis, it is plain that in this degenerate age there is only one tooth brush for every 2.7 persons or, to put it more clearly, one person to .37 of a tooth brush. Now supposing that there are 10,000,000 people totally toothless out of a population of 110,000,000, including babies to four months, prize fighters, victims of lock jaw, and octogenarians; and further supposing 10,000,000 souls who, for one reason or other, do not believe in this modern luxury such as Holy Rollers and vegetarians, there are left 2.5 persons for each and every tooth brush in the United States. These statistics do not consider those very careful individuals who, according to the Brush King, use the same ivory polisher for fifteen years. But this conservation is more than balanced by the wide service of these tools as shoe blackeners, spark plug cleaners, and in the Fine Arts departments of various universities.
The old family tooth brush is still, therefore, as much a reality as ever. Father and mother make two, leaving a difficult .5 to be accounted for in the use of this valuable instrument. This, however, fits in perfectly with modern statistics as to the number of children per family, which is some fraction of a child. The Brush King may rest assured, then, that all members of the American Household are satisfactorily accounted for, and that no toothed mouths go unbrushed.