WHAT? NO LAMB!
No more shocking news has come to Boston than that featured upon the front page of the Transcript last night. Mary and her little lamb are pure myth!
To anyone who knows how sensitive about such matters the true Bostonian is, how sincerely the readers of the Transcript feel such a blow, this item of news shadows the flight of Lindbergh, makes the flood a mere incident, and destroys the importance of Bozo's return to this hub of greater Boston. Small wonder that sleepless heads beat upon the blanched pillow of Beacon Hill; that hatred of Sacco and his partner in disaster faded as this news flashed. Many even forgot the fight to remove the Chevrolet sign from Park Square as they meditated upon the myth of Mary.
For, if there was no Mary, no lamb, there might not have even been a May-flower, a Plymouth Rock, a Jonah, a, may one suggest it, a purple window. Tradition wavered before the onslaught of science. And then came sanity. For this morning the slowest wits of Boston had realized the truth. The Athenaeum had merely played a joke with its story about the non-existence of Mary. A great, great, great etc, grandson of the lamb had told the truth. He had a picture of his ancestors. And there was Mary right beside him. The sun shines once more on the State House.