What! No beer mugs? In fact there never were any beer mugs in the University Dining Halls because there never was any beer served there! Yesterday morning a supposedly reliable person told a CRIMSON reporter that 300 beer mugs were stored in Memorial Hall, a survival of the "good old days" when food and, this person said, drink were dispensed to the hungry and thirsty Harvardians at Memorial Hall three times a day.
The reporter wandered over to Harvard's architectural survival to interview the janitor. "Beer mugs? Say there never was to beer in Cambridge!" asserted this official, "No, you see Cambridge has nearly always been dry. For years before Prohibition there were laws forbidding the sale of liquor in Cambridge. Now Somerville was the wet place--you could buy anything there, but it wouldn't have done any good to sell beer around College. A Harvard man satisfied with beer? Say, I've lived here in Cambridge all my life, and I never yet seen the Harvard man that only took a stein of beer when he felt real thirsty!
"Nope, I don't think having beer will stop the Harvard thirst--except maybe to get them warmed up for the real stuff. But I'm sorry about those mugs. There's not even a tea cup here now!
"Say, you don't have to be going now, do you? Sit down awhile. Don't often seen anyone around here now except to take exams. It's not like the old days--nothing is for that matter. Say, I remember when the boys used to go over to Brighton to fight the town pool-hall gang. It wasn't all beer they had inside 'em then either! Then there were real riots--gness we won't see many more of those. Well, we'll have beer again soon. But take it from me, beer never has drowned a Harvard thirst and it won't do it now!"