Conflicting opinions as to whether the Harvard crew haircut originated at Princeton or among the monks of the Middle Ages are entertained by a group of Harvard Square Harbors, investigation reveals.
The first school of thought holds that the short clip was a Princeton innovation plagiarized by Crimson undergraduates. Fearing that this statement might lead to their boycott, they asked that their names be withehld.
Barber Breen of the Manter Hall Hairdressers, on the other hand, believes that monks were the first to use the short clip. "The short haircut is properly called monkey haircut," he said, "because the monks are the originators. The name monkey was given it by a Mr. Schneider, head tonsorial artist of the Hotel Vendome 41 years ago. He was the first to give the short clip and should know the proper title for it," Mr. Breen concluded.
Opinion also varied on the question as to when the haircut became popular. One barber insisted that undergraduates have been receiving the short cut for 40 years; another stated in has been prominent for only 10 years. (General belief has it that the short haircut gained popularity about 20 years ago. Manfred Howditch '12 was conceded to be the first Harvardian to have asked for it.
There is only one fact that all the local harbors are agreed upon, namely that the close haircut is losing cassia among the students. Only one in 10 now asks for it. Mr. Breen believed that the reason for this phenomenon is that outsiders are adopting it, and that Harvard men want nothing in common with those beyond the pale.
In concluding the investigation, barbers in general were found to have amazing powers of observation. They can easily differentiate between freshmen and upperclassmen. "Freshmen act differently, dress differently, talk differently," barber Seibert declared.
"Most freshmen dress like human beings; they wear pressed pants and clean hats," he continued, "and they are always in a hurry. Upperclassmen dress uniquely, take their time and can fall asleep on the chair as often as not. Upperclassmen read the Herald while awaiting their turn; freshman study Ballyhoo and Movie Humor."
it was unanimously agreed that the Harvard man's beard is softer than anyone else's. The barbers wouldn't say why.