Beer Flows From Old Pump, But Not Enough to Quench Everybody's Thirst

Generous Donor Plans To Stock Pump With Champagne Tomorrow

"Tarnation, it wasn't ready yet!", said an annoyed Undergraduate yesterday noon when informed that his plan for having free beer flow from the pump in front of Hollis Hall had been exposed.

He had put three cans of beer in the tank beneath the pump and was planning to fill it with enough to last 24 hours of steady pumping. "I figured that would be enough for one day," he added thoughtfully.

Unfortunately some blundering student happened along in the meantime and pumped the pump handle in passing with the same indifference that he would pull a fire alarm. But when he saw the foamy liquid gush forth into the trough, he let fly all thoughts of indifference, inertia, and psychic income, and lunged toward the dwindling stream of beer.

He had unwittingly dropped his bag of Economic books in the excitement, however, and in the midst of his lunge they landed on his left foot, severely crushing it. The result of his lunge was a headlong plunge onto the walk, where his head struck the brick curbing.

Noticing the prostrate form, students thought that it had something to do with the Lampoon and would probably squeak or something if they touched it, so they avoided it.

After a cautious approach the hotfoot huskies of the Yard Police were relieved to find it was only a real body, and tossed it into a passing laundry truck. Having assured themselves that there was no more beer in the pump, they left.

"Well," said the perpetrator later, as he was making an inventory of his liquor closet, "I'm going to fill it with champagne Thursday morning so that people won't take their exams too seriously."