These are the thoughts of a Saturday afternoon visitor to Widener Library).
Gawd, what a volume! And the title in small gilt letter--that's always a bad sign .... Ah-ha, someone has already been through this and marked the important paragraphs! 289 1-2 pages and its three-thirty now. Well, maybe I can get through by six.
Gee, it's hot. What if some guest should come in and see every body draped around in his shirt sleeves. I'll keep my coat on, and besides, there's a chair over here by the window where I won't be within six feet of anyone else.
Gosh, what a racket over in Weld. There's a girl in the room .... but the shades are down. Ha! the first chapter doesn't start till page seven. That leaves only 282 1-2 pages to read. I ought to be done by six ....
Page 80--end of the first chapter. 1-2 page of notes. Hmmm, not many more marked paragraphs. I guess this book is mostly bull. It won't fool me .... page 100 .... page 160, end of second chapter.
Geepers, look at that grind! He's been glued to that seat ever since I started. His eyes are riveted on the book. It is in one of those gadgets that makes it stand up and has clips to hold the pages. He's got glasses and green eye shades. Why doesn't he wear horse blinder? He takes notes at a page a minute with one hand and turns the pages with the other. But every time he turns a page it gets stuck in the clip and he has knocked the thing over three times now. He has a big green bag, a bottle of ink, an extra pen, and a glasses case next to him. And he needs a shave
Chapter three .... "The Outbreak of the War." That's funny, it didn't give the causes. Here it says the President was assassinated, and the paragraph hasn't been marked. Oh God! No wonder, that fool only marked the first chapter! Well, I'll look it all up in the Encyclopedia.
So that's why I'm getting all hot and perspiring. The sun has crept down and caught me. There is an empty chair over by that wall-eyed good He's got a book in his lap and his staring out the window. What is he staring at? The top of the pillars? Say, they've got nails stuck in all over them like a pincushion! What a dirty trick to play on the pigeons! Why shouldn't they build a nest over the steps if they want .... Oh, of course! ha-ha.
That W. E. goof isn't looking at them anyway. He's asleep and his book has just dropped to the floor. It's called "Psychoanalysis and Medicine." Poor fool!
Who wants to read on a day like this anyway? Let's see .... quarter to five .... page 220. 69 1-2 more pages. Here are three pages of illustrations, that makes .... Oh, no! They don't even number those pages .... gosh, what cheapskates! I can't read all that.
I'll just jot down these chapter headings .... "Treaty of Peace: Failings and Results", "Importance of the War", "Conclusions". I'll look those up some rainy day. Look at all those suckers still reading. Wheece!