TRAINEES' LONELY HEART BUREAU RUNS AGROUND

While the Navy's convoy service seems to be winning the Battle of the Atlantic, it is fast losing the battle waged in the dancehalls and gay places of the Cambridge sector. For the latest reports from the convoy service conducted for lonely officers and college women indicates that insurmountable obstacles have arisen in the path of the powerful Navy offensive in this direction.

In her communique to the press, Miss Dorothy Albert, head of the Business School dating, bureau, announced "Although we were deluged with requests for handsome officers when the service first began, the rush is slowing down these days." Analyzing the break-down of this vital front, Miss Albert traces the cause to "increasing fussiness and the competition provided by the influx of 1000 naval officers across the river."

Wellesley "Beef Trust"

While downtown agencies based near the Common report a flourishing season, the Brighton lonely hearts organization seems to be satisfying few of the officers' social desires. In one case, a prospective dance was stymied by a dispute among the trainees as to whom to invite. Claiming that Wellesley had "pawned off a beef trust on us the last time," a determined minority held out for Simmons, Bouve, or even Radcliffe.

To add to her difficulties, Miss Albert claims that Navy men have lost interest. "Officers aren't as lonely as they're supposed to be, for many of them are already married, and the others are not shy." And the bashful, retiring one- or two-stripers have been guests of wealthy Bostonians at their seashore homes, thus further complicating the already involved date problem.

But with characteristic aplomb, this new form of social service plans to carry on, despite the dangerous presence of aggressive and married officers.