U.S. Steals Window Screens From Insect-ridden College

As gnats, wasps, mosquitoes, and flies once again wage their mite-y spring offensive, penetrating deep into students' rooms, the retreating inmates are raising the perennial cry of "Why don't they give us some screens?"

Little do they know that the University has already conceded their demands, and has made enough of the metal meshes for every House room between Mass. Ave. and the Charles. They were stacked in the Maintenance Shops ready for summer use.

But the glint of the copper bug-barriers caught the metal-hungry eye of Army men commandeering vital materials for industry, and the screens were melted up. Veterans of past insect wars recommend mosquito-netting canopies for the beds of those who would sleep in peace.