Lampoon Sinks Into Watery Grave

Unless it stops its downward trend into the depths of Cambridge, the Lampoon building may soon be only a cherished memory. Extensive investigation has revealed that the baroque structure is slowly settling into the ground, and has been for years. (Note decline on left hand side of photo.)

Mrs. Walter Fernald, owner of an ancient house behind Claverly and a lifetime resident of Cambridge, says that there used to be an old spring at the corner of Mt. Auburn and Bow streets where the horses and trucks of the Fire Department would get water.

"My father used to tell me the Lampoon building is on wet ground and that it sinks a few inches each spring," she said. Indeed, every time there is a rain, a massive puddle forms around the apex of the Poon, cutting it off from the outside world.

A Cambridge City Engineer was reluctant to make any statement until the site had been investigated, but he did say that it was "quite possible" that the structure was going under, since much of the land in the vicinity, is quite marshy.

School On a Swamp

Old maps from Widener Library showed that Mt. Auburn was once called Spring street. Dunster was known as Water street, and Eliot was Creek street.

The most convincing proof that the Poon is treading on thin ice was furnished by the three dimensional map of the Cambridge area in 1775 on the first floor of Widener. This shows a small pond where the Hygiene Building is now. A stream emptying from this pond runs down Dunster street and cuts right across the site of the Lampoon building.

Anyone interested in proving the theory can stand at the corner of Bow and Mt. Auburn and look down at the Toon quivering in its little rut.

Frederick H. Gwyune '51, new president of the Lampoon, brushed off queries about the state of the building with a terse. "Who cares." Former President John P. C. Train '50 was a little more loquacious, saying:

"As the Ibis sinks beneath the pavement, I expect to hear from the murky depths the chant, 'Lampy is out tonight, Lampy is cut'."