Cabbages and Kings
Hello, you lovely people. I've just had a delightful chat with glamorous actress Mae Tinee at her honeymoon bungalow in rustic San Pedro, which I can't wait to share with you movie fans. Charmingly attired in fuschia velveteen pedal pushers, Mae explained that she had been doing housework. "I love being a homemaker," she crooned in that famous throaty voice. "It makes me feel so homey."
Mae reclined on a leopard upholstered davenport which matched the drapes, as we had our girl to girl talk. "I've been dusting the objects d'art." (Her fans will recall that Miss Tinee's wedding gift to her husband was a life-size nude statue of herself.) A nursemaid appeared, carrying Mae's new-born infant Garnette and Mae explained, "I had her by natural childbirth. I didn't want to miss one minute of it. My husband Ulysses did the preparation exercises right along with me."
"But Mae," I protested, "this is all so new for you. Isn't it awfully difficult for you to adjust to motherhood?"
"Women are natural mothers," she answered. "I believe any woman can have children." She brought out a memory album showing tender moments of the baby's first hour at home. "I wrote the words myself," she told me, and read: "This is your world, Garnette darling, fear not, there are gentle hands and watchful eyes and smiles--The world is love."
"Simply precious," I told her. "By the by, I understand you've taken up yogi."
"Oh, I dig it the most," she agreed. "The way our social set-up is set up it is hard for people to have the right attitude for a happy, full life. They don't have the right spiritual conditions for existence."
"I also understand you're quite an intellectual," I said.
"Oh yes," she revealed. "I am."
At that moment Ulysses came in from the heart-shaped swim pool and kissed me on the cheek. He said he wanted to make sure I told the people about Mae's new record of spirituals, and I promised to pass it on to you.
Soon I left the lovebirds alone in their adorable house, secure that Mae is over her troubles and has found at last the joy she so richly deserves. As I drove away I thought of her wise words. "My new-found maturity makes me feel at one--with the universe."