How to Watch a Harvard Football Game An Easy Guide to Peaceful Readjustment

Chances are you have been brought up on Ohio State-Michigan football games or, at the very least, on the slightly less professional efforts of the New York Giants. At any rate, you will have to make a massive readjustment before Ivy League football seems right to you.

The main difference is that the Ivies have relatively few paid athletes, but this is only a cause. Its result is expressed in all sorts of ramifications of on-the-field competence, spectator attitude, and coaching technique.

What you have to do is learn definitions. You have to realign your whole frame of football reference. The shock of this readjustment has been too much for some; University psychiatrists still talk about Edgar O. Raver '62, who came to the Health Service one Monday morning last fall in an absolute frenzy, screaming, "First and goal on the one and they didn't make it! THEY DIDN'T MAKE IT! How can they not make it? I can't believe it. I CAN'T BELIEVE IT."

Clearly, this boy had had his expectation cycle quickened by years of following New Trier High School games, and could not bring his accelerated expectations into focus with a new reality. With plenty of care and a season ticket to this year's Boston Patriot home games, Raver was given a new lease on life. His progress has been slow but steady, and he will someday be a useful citizen.

Now for the definitions:

A good play, for Harvard fans, is one in which no Crimson player is seriously hurt.

Razzle-dazzle occurs when two backs handle the ball on the same play and nobody fumbles.

A high-scoring game takes place when either team gets more than 15 points.

A daring quarterback is one who throws a pass before there are two minutes left in the half, or who tells a messenger from the bench, "Kick? Like hell I will. You go back and tell Herkimer to stop sizing up the broads and keep what little mind be has on the game."

A bench warmer is yesterday's daring quarterback.

Breakaway backs are those who average more than 3.5 yards per carry.

By using a hypothetical situation, we can define the various categories of the genus fan, Suppose the Harvard quarterback completes a wobbly pass to his left end for a four-yard gain against Penn. It must be emphasized that this is a hypothetical situation.

If the fan sitting next to you says, "--," he is a Penn freshman.

If he says, "Nobbad, but Unitas he ain't," he is an inveterate Boston football follower.

If he says, "He took an awful chance," he is a veteran Ivy fan, and in this case he is right.