VOICE FROM THE PAST

To the Editors of the CRIMSON:

The recent decipherment of the Minoan Linear A script has made it possible to translate the 797-line inscription carved on a marble slab that has been in the possession of my family for almost 3000 years. The first lines read as follows:

Student,

Be prudent,

Bore'em

With decorum

Act demure;

They'll think you're pure.

Being frisky

Is risky.

Be staid

And you've got it made.

The remaining 787 lines contain nothing but a wildly incoherent account of a party held at Knossus after the Deros-Knossus game of 1535 B.O. Mark D. Altschule, M.D.