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A Long, Hot Summa

Cabbages and Kings

By Joel E. Cohen

Friday evening.

FRED: Hey George, got any action lined up for this weekend?

GEORGE: What's this weekend?

FRED: Spring Weekend--Gala Festivities, Boat Rides, Bacchanalia, and all that.

GEO.: Oh. I forgot.

FRED: Got any action lined up?

GEO.: No. Why, do you?

FRED: Nope. I was just wondering.

GEO.: Get me another cup of coffee, will you?

FRED: Sure (Gets coffee.) Hey, what're you doing?

GEO.: I'm reciting a poem I learned in high school.

FRED: Are you off your marbles?

GEO.: Thanks for the coffee. Bad as usual.

FRED: I know. (Silence.) But do you remember Jubilee Weekend freshman year?

GEO.: What do you mean, "but"? I had an hour exam the Monday after Jubilee Weekend.

FRED: Yeah, so did I. But the other guys all said they really had a good time.

GEO.: They had hour exams too.

FRED: But they had a really good time.

GEO.: Lots of action, I bet.

FRED: Yeah, lots of action. Say, wasn't that the hour exam with a median of 36?

GEO.: Yeah, remember, we both got 90 on it. Can you remember what the exam was about?

FRED: No, can you?

GEO.: Yeah, it was about the principle of mass action.

FRED: Oh yeah, that's right.

A BOY IN WHITE: Are you through with your trays yet?

FRED: Here, take them away.

GEO.: Give me back my coffee.

FRED: Sorry. (Silence.) Gee, I wonder what ever happened to Wild Willy. Have you heard from him this year?

GEO.: No. Have you?

FRED: Nope. I was just wondering. Now there was a boy who saw a lot of action. Wilson the Wunderkind, they used to call him sophomore year.

GEO.: I think even his girlfriend called him that. Until he left.

FRED: Wasn't that when we discovered you and I didn't know anybody else in the entry, he was the only one who knew the guys?

GEO.: Yeah. But it was nice to have a triple with only two people in it.

FRED: Unlike the single next door, which always had two people in it, if you know what I mean.

GEO.: I know what you mean. Lots of action, right?

FRED: Yeah, lots and lots of action.

GEO.: Right.

A LADY IN GREEN: Time to go, fellas.

FRED: It's still light enough to see by. Want another cup of coffee before they take it away?

GEO.: Sure. (Fred gets coffee.)

FRED: Hey, what're you doing? Another high school poem?

GEO.: No, I learned this one in grade school.

FRED: "I think that I shall never see, a poem lovely--"

GEO.: No, Fred, you had the dramatic urge last year.

FRED: Yeah. (Sighs.) Remember that beautiful Cliffie with the long brown hair?

GEO.: I never saw her, Fred, you just told me about her. For about six weeks. Say, why don't you call her up for this weekend?

FRED: It's too late.

GEO.: No it isn't. Go ahead, you need some action.

FRED: Besides, I never found out her name.

GEO.: So that's why you wouldn't tell me.

FRED: Well if I had told you it would have been all over everyplace in no time.

GEO.: But I don't know anybody to tell it to, Fred.

FRED: Okay. Forget it. I'm not calling her up.

GEO.: Okay. Forget it.

FRED: Besides, I had junior generals so I had to stop working on the play.

GEO.: I know, Fred. It's okay.

FRED: But when I see her in Sever now she doesn't even look at me.

GEO.: It happens, Fred. It's okay.

FRED: If only I knew what her name was.

GEO.: But you really scored on junior generals.

FRED: I know. So did you.

GEO.: Yeah. Well. (Silence.)

FRED: More poetry?

GEO.: Nursery rhymes.

A MAN IN BROWN: Sorry, fellas, the House Committee has to move the tables to get ready for the dance, so you better go get your dates (heh, heh).

FRED: Okay, we're going. By the way, did you hear anything on your thesis yet?

GEO.: No. Did you?

FRED: No, just wondering. (They leave the dinning hall.) Well, I gotta go to the library.

GEO.: See ya. I'll be back from the lab around midnight, in case anybody calls the room.

FRED: Don't worry.

GEO.: I know. Just in case.

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