Square Scorns Spiro T. Agnew
Most people around the Square had already been swallowing hard for eleven hours when word came up from Miami yesterday that Spiro T. Agnew was Nixon's running mate. That did it. Young and old were revolted. A New Nausea swept the area.
"I don't know much about this guy Agnew," declared one Penn student walking through Harvard Sq. yesterday afternoon, "and I don't care to know much about him. Frankly I don't give a shit about Agnew, Nixon, and the Republican Party anymore."
One work shirted old gentleman scratched his head when asked what he thought of Nixon's choice and replied, "Agnew huh? Now I remember. He was the guy gave Nixon some of those unexpected votes on Monday. I guess he made a pretty good deal for himself. Didn't he?"
"He and Nixon are quite alike," said one man from Baltimore.
A student from Maryland said, "Why, in state polities he's been, well, just Betty Boop."
"Terrible, he's just terrible," said a bonnetted lady in her sixties.
"Agnew's from below the border," reflected one Catabridgian in front of the Harvard Travel Agency.
"I could talk for hours about Nixon, Eisenhower, Dewey, or Humphrey," boasted James McCab '17, "but what's-his-name, you know that guy you just asked me about, nobody has ever heard of him."
McCab was wrong. More than half of the scores interviewed by the Summer News could identify Gov. Agnew. Several even praised nominee Nixon for his wise choice. "I'm delighted," said one Belmont housewife walking past the hippies sitting in Forbes Plaza, "I think the Republican Party has a death wish. Nixon apparently was trying to help that wish along a bit."
"I like Greek names," shouted an open-shirted gent walking towards the refreshing mid-afternoon shade of the Harvard Gardens Bar.
But others were more thoughtful in their analysis. As one business-suited, perspiring, baldheaded man said, "Nixon needed an urban expert on urban problems; Agnew ran Baltimore; he can handle the problems of the cities for my man, Nixon."
"I do think Nixon was a bit presumptuous, however, thinking that his own name can carry the ticket to victory alone. Agnew adds little charisma to the ticket" continued the business-suited man.
In Charlie's Kitchen--that jewel in Brattle Square--a voice from the far end of the bar asked if any of the others had heard Nixon's choice. Silence.
"Who?" queried an anonymous voice from a blank-faced line.
"It's Spiro T. Agnew," answered the original voice. He looks like Johnson, head shaved. And LBJ was once a surprising vice-prez choice himself, heh heh.