Harvard, the Haven for Armchair Athletes

Harvard, the haven of Armchair Quarterbacks.

Yes, that's right. Harvard, renowned as the treasure chest of academic research, is actually the capital of spectator sports. Start with 40 varsity squads, throw in a few local professional teams and plenty of facilities which you can use, and you'll never even have time for the Saturday Game of the Week.

Worried about ticket prices? Don't fret, sports fans. At registration, you'll receive a coupon book that will get you into most Harvard sporting events for free and will get you discounts for the really big events like The Game or the hockey playoffs. Most of the time, all you'll need is a coupon and a coat for that windy jaunt across the Charles River.

Crimson Triumphs

Ask an alumnus what the biggest team on campus is, and the most common response will be The Team, the football team. Two years ago, Coach Joe "Multiflex" Restic's squad captured the Ivy League Title with a 14-10 win over Yale in The Game on the last weekend of the season.

Last year, the Crimson stumbled, bumbled, clambered, crawled and begged its way to a 3-7 record. Now, it's simply known as The Fall--falling from Ivy League favorite to a sixth-place tie with lowly Columbia. This season's squad isn't expected to do much better at The Stadium, but the traditional line is never to underestimate one of Restic's teams.

Ask students what the biggest team on campus is and the response will be unanimous--the men's ice hockey team, which last April brought Harvard its first NCAA championship since the golf team nabbed the crown in 1905. Minus Hobey Baker winner Lane MacDonald, Olympian Allen Bourbeau, a few other graduates and the hunger for that elusive national title, one can't expect the same from this year's squad.

But with a strong core of young players and the legendary coaching of Bill Cleary, the hockey team will surely create more than its share of excitement on frigid Friday and Saturday nights at Bright Center.

And even if the hockey team turns into the football team, an unlikely prospect, hockey games are still a lot of fun to go to. You really should not miss the Harvard band, which entertains the crowd with insulting chants directed at opposing players and schools.

The most successful fall squad over the past few years has been the men's soccer team, which was ranked number one in the nation in the 1988 pre-season. Welcome to The Fall II. The Crimson failed even to challenge for the Ivy League title, missing out on its first NCAA appearance in three years.

The 1989 men's soccer team will probably ride as high as oft-injured star forward Derek Mills and its untested freshman goalies can play. But once again, Coach Mike Getman's team should be nationally-ranked.

Not far away from Bright in Briggs Cage, the Harvard men's basketball team will be continuing its quest for its first-ever Ivy League title. Coach Peter Roby begins his fifth year at the helm of the University's most frustrating varsity squad. Each year is The Year. Finally, the Crimson will win the Ivy championship. Each year, Harvard watches the NCAA Men's Basketball Tournament on television. television.

With a talented returning squad and a list of recruits which features five first-team All-State players from around the country, there again is speculation over at Briggs that "This could be the year."

The women's hockey team and the men's and women's squash teams do their share of winning during the winter months. "National championship" and "men's squash team" are two phrases which fit together quite easily.

With the melting snow and the blossoming flowers of April comes the slowest period of Harvard spectator sports. Most people are out playing sports instead of observing, but those true Armchair Quarterbacks will still have plenty to watch.

One of the most confusing games to follow is women's lacrosse. Get this--there is no out-of-bounds. But don't worry about the rules, just watch the Crimson squad rack up victory after victory. Harvard advanced to the NCAA Finals in May before losing the championship, 7-6, to Penn State.

For those morning people, try the Harvard and Radcliffe crew teams, which last year both finished first at the Eastern Sprints and second at the Henley Regatta in England. Although crew is a spring sport, the biggest crew event comes in the fall, when zillions of drunk and obnoxious prep school kids invade Cambridge for the Head of the Charles Regatta. No one actually watches the race, just sit on the shore and people-watch.

Sports Hub

For those willing to leave Cambridge to watch their sports, Boston offers some of the finest professional teams in the nation. Boston fans are renowned for their intense loyalty and emotional fervor, as any visiting Yankee, Dolphin, Knick or Canadien fan will attest. If they manage to get out alive.

Don't miss the Heartbreak of Fenway, otherwise known as the Boston Red Sox. Make reservations early, because tickets are scarce in September, although you sometimes may be able to get bleacher seats on the day of the game.

Sit next to an ardent Bosox fan. You'll hear stories of the 1967 squad with Lonborg and Yazstremski, the 1975 squad with Fisk, Lynn, Tiant and pinch-hitter extraordinaire Bernie Carbo and the 1986 squad with Clemens, Boggs, Evans and Barrett.

And you won't hear stories about the last Red Sox team to win the World Series, which occurred during the Wilson Administration. Woodrow Wilson. There aren't too many folks around who remember that series.

Emotions don't run quite as high in Foxboro, where the National Football League's New England Patriots play their home games in the fall. The Patriots have followed the style of Coach Raymond Berry in the last few seasons: bland, boring and beaten.

New England hasn't been that bad, but sometimes you wish it would be. Last season's squad actually almost made the playoffs behind a game plan of run, run, run. For professional fans, that means yawn, yawn, yawn.

But hope reigns supreme this year, as the Patriots have committed to improving the passing game with strong-armed quarterback Tony Eason and the drafting of tall, fleet wide receiver Hart Lee Dykes. New England tight ends received quite a jolt when they reported to mini-camp this summer and were told that they would be expected to catch passes as well as block this year.

The Bird Shall Fly

He's back with a bigger, stronger, faster foot. He's the saviour, the one who will lead the Boston Celtics back to the upper echelons of the National Basketball Association. He's the one who will fly high into the rafters of the Boston Garden and once again hang a championship banner.

He's Larry Bird.

With him, the Celtics alternated winning NBA titles with the Los Angeles Lakers and Magic Johnson. Without him, the Boys in Green bowed in favor of the Bad Boys, the Detroit Pistons, in three quick first-round games.

But some say that the Celtics are doomed even with Bird. Win or lose, watching Bird, Robert Parish, Kevin McHale, Brain Shaw and Reggie Lewis play basketball is quite a thrill.

Big, Bad Bruisers

For those who prefer a little rougher brand of play, try the National Hockey League, sometimes referred to as the World-Wide Wrestling Federation II. Bad blood flows fast and quick at NHL games these days, but the Boston Bruins regularly rank as one of the top teams in the league.

Now, if somebody can find a way to get the Montreal Canadiens to leave the NHL, the Bruins may someday have a chance of claiming a title. Even when the Bruins managed to get by Montreal in the playoffs two years ago, they fell to the Edmonton Oilers in the finals.

But most Harvard hockey fans find the hometown Crimson more entertaining than the Bruins. And the games are certainly much more fun to go to with friends.

Out of the Armchair

Forget watching other athletes compete, you say. You want to be part of the action.

Harvard boasts some of the finest athletic facilities in the Northeast. And the Athletic Department's commitment to ensuring that all facilities are open to the Harvard community means that all undergraduates can use them at almost any time.

Across the Charles, Blodgett Pool is the perfect place for doing a few laps. Try the Gordon Track and Tennis Center for doing a few laps on the track or playing a quick set or two. The Beren Tennis Center is another great place to practice your serve and volley.

Malkin Athletic Center (MAC), next to Lowell House, is the center of Harvard's recreational activities, including swimming, aerobics and Nautilus, and the MAC also hosts the best pickup basketball games in Cambridge.

The basketball competition isn't quite so intense at Hemenway Gymnasium, but don't pick a fight with any 200-lb. law students. Hemenway also boasts squash and a couple of racquetball courts.

The QRAC, home of the Quad's athletic scene, offers two basketball courts, four tennis courts, several racquetball and squash courts, Nautilus and even a ping pong table.

So don't despair about coming to Harvard, armchair QB. If watching or competing in athletics is your favorite method of "getting away from it all," be prepared to get away a lot.