DARTBOARD

The Malkin Athletic Center is, as we all know, Harvard's biggest blight.

The aging, dilapidated warehouse hardly accomodates the athletic needs of this vigorous student body. Moreover, on a campus dotted with new classrooms, dining halls and sporting facilities for varsity athletes, the MAC stands out as the Rudenstine Administration's greatest oversight. Despite interminable pleas from students, nothing has been done apart from the purchase of a scant few treadmills. This situation must change. It is Rudenstine's obligation to build his students a non-varsity athletic center worthy of the Harvard name.

And how easy it could be.

We at Dartboard are encouraged by news out of the University of Pennsylvania, where earlier this month, the school's energetic President Judith Rodin helped inaugurate the new, high-tech Katz Fitness Center. The state-of-the-art Katz Center features treadmills, bikes, EFX cross-training equipment and a spacious cardiovascular room.

The center cost the University $1.2 million, nearly half of which was contributed by one donor. How many calls would it take for our favorite fund-raiser to put together that kind of money? Better still, the University commissioned plans for the Katz Center just two years ago. And once the donations were in place, construction was completed in a remarkable two months. The only downside to the Katz Center is that Penn undergrads must pay $75 for a yearly membership. But that's not the point. The point: Where there's a will for a new gym, there's a way. GEOFFREY C. UPTON

Divide and Conquer D'Amato

Amid the political noise surrounding the upcoming vote by the House Judiciary Committee on whether to impeach President Clinton, it's easy to ignore some of the more fascinating political campaigns this fall. Take Dartboard's current favorite incumbent, Senator Al D'Amato (R-New York), who is burning up the airwaves with commercials pitting Manhattan against the rest of the state. The commercials, accompanied by the soundtrack from Jaws,imply that liberal downstate politicians (such as D'Amato's opponent, Rep. Charles E. Schumer) will take funding away from those north of the Bronx.

D'Amato sure knows what buttons to push, tapping into long-existing tensions between city and country. But he shouldn't be pushing them. Last time we checked, a senator should represent the entire state, not try to win by dividing and conquering it.   SUSANNAH B. TOBIN

Yearning for a Good Prank

Yesterday's hack into the Lampoon's Web site elicited more than a few chuckles from us at Dartboard. Though the prank itself was rather simple and benign, it was clever and good-natured, encouraging the hapless 'Poonsters to aim for some clever retaliation.

Harvard has been relatively prank-free in recent years. While students at Cornell impale pumpkins on church towers and techies at MIT place police cars on high domes, we are content to go about our lives in routine fashion, not as willing to spend time conceiving, planning and executing a quality prank. Pranking has become a lost art.

Skeptical readers might interpret this as a misguided cry for juvenile delinquency. On the contrary, a quality prank is benign and can actually liven up the atmosphere of the College. Victims of a well-conceived prank may feel a bit sheepish at first, but they will eventually appreciate the attention and welcome the obligation to retaliate.

Once that semi-secret Bow Street organization which used to occasionally publish a so-called humor magazine also used to occasionally pull off so-called pranks. Those were the days.   RICHARD S. LEE

Life Throws No. 39 a Curve

Yesterday we at Dartboard were yanked out of our contented shells by shocking news: Darryl Strawberry has cancer. Strawberry, the 36-year-old New York Yankees' slugger, will this weekend undergo surgery to remove a cancerous tumor in his colon.

According to the Yankees, Darryl's prognosis for a full recovery is good. But we're worried all the same. For years Darryl stood as a youthful beacon of strength in Shea Stadium's right field. After defeating substance abuse, he won us back as a Yankee. Now he faces his toughest at-bat yet. Our eyes are on the bleachers.   GEOFFREY C. UPTON