Florida Faux

For those who didn't revise their chalky winter complexion with an intersession jaunt to the Islands, consider plan B. B for bake. Fake bake. A quick jaunt to a local tanning salon can make the epidermis tell a big fat lie.

For the price of a cab to Logan, paying customers get concentrated zaps of ultraviolet rays for 15 to 20 minutes. Why tough out hours in the sun when a brief rest on a tanning bed is all it takes? Thanks to modern technology, a crispy brown is only moments away.

In the old days, it took up to eight salon visits to get a deep glow, but today, special lotions can accelerate the tanning process by 30 percent. Also, the Turbo Tanning Bed, available at Tanning, Etc. for $35 a session, delivers a coveted vacationed look with record-breaking speed.

Skin cancer? Don't worry about it. An employee at Tanning, Etc. guarantees the beds shine just enough burning rays to produce melanin (to tan), and that UV rays cause damage only when the skin gets burned. Take note: never trust a fake baker. They're all lies.