Fifteen Minutes: From Our BULGING Mail Bags…

Dear FM,

I am a student at Lesley College. As such, I was disappointed to see that my school was not represented in your so-called tour of Boston-area colleges. Your writer, Ben Wasserstein, claims to be a fan of da bitches. As such, it is surprising that he overlooked Lesley College as it is absolutely teeming with some of the sweetest bitches little Ben has ever seen.

--Kelly J. Monroe

Dear FM,

Last week you mentioned our names in the same breath as a certain General Wong. Had you only insulted us, we might have left it at that. But to insult our chicken was completely out of line. General Wong is a grizzled, stringy man who covers up his lack of balls, as it were, with sweet-and-sour sauce, as it were. His chicken can be similarly described.

--Generals Gau, Tso, Tzou, et alia

Dear FM,

As a former editor of FM, I would like to make a general stylistic suggestion for the mag: more first-person pieces. Speaking from a reader's perspective, I'd like to point out that I'm not really interested in the stories; I'm interested in the writers and every embarrassing detail of their Harvard existence. See this letter I? Learn to use it.

--Rebecca G. Schilling '98

Dear Bitch,

You hear that? That's me breathing down your neck, FM. I stole your Abercrombie story, I scooped you on Pokemon, and my website is about to uncover an exciting new feature: Romance Man. Suck me, Gossip Guy! Want to know what our timely feature on the four presidential candidates makes you? My sweet bitch, that's what. Boo-yah!

--The Harvard Current

Dear FM,

Long-time reader, first-time writer. Wrote tonight on a whim--I can't believe I'm the 15th writer--I never win anything! [screaming] I'd just like to give a shout-out to my homegirls in Currier--what's up ladies!!! [screaming].

--Maureen D. Jackson '02