Circling the Square: Threskiornis aethiopicus

There are few places he hasn't visited. He has been seen lounging in rural Appalachia, and perched proudly on piers along eastern seaboard. He has hunted for grubs in the marshlands of Nova Scotia; he has cavorted with royal seagulls from afar; he has flown atop the Great Wall; he has been tete-a-tete with distinguished journalists at Washington Post's Beijing Bureau; and, most recently, he has been seen circling Tiananmen Square.

We wouldn't be surprised if Threski (short for Threskiornis aethiopicus) decided to remain in the Far East. During his frequent trips to 14 Plympton St., he has often been seen reading the Writings of Chairman Mao, copies of which are usually on hand in the offices of The Crimson's editorial board. Ideology exerts a strong force on this bird; for an example, one need only look to his famous 1953 visit to the Russian delegation in New York.

But Threski is also a temperamental bird and it is likely he will migrate toward other destinations. For his sake, this would be a good idea. Sources indicate that the poor fools on Bow Street have already hired cronies to traverse the sea and capture the errant bird, so that he can be resoldered atop the Lampoon Castle. Adding insult to injury, he would be forced to share his old prison with a shoddily constructed, fake plastic imposter.

For the time being, we wish our copper-feathered friend the best of luck. He'll need it. Dodging the watchful eyes of the military (and the hapless pursuit of 'Poonsters) will be enough to keep him busy in the People's Republic. How long he will remain there is uncertain.