Hot Buns on the Grille!

Hot buns took all forms at the Kirkland House grille Sunday night. Nestled in the basement of C-entryway, grill masters Alex J. Kauffmann ’02 and Paul W. Guilianelli ‘02 gave their loyal patrons an extra treat with their frothy cookies and cream milkshakes. As the boys turned to grab cups or juicy hotdogs from the barbeque, they revealed the sweetness that normally eludes their food products. For underneath their aprons this Sunday—which they proclaimed fun day—the boys remained in the buff.

“I think these guys have found a great way to express themselves to their fellow students,” said Neil R. Brown ‘02, who ventured the long trek from Mather for the event. “This is a wonderful example of students showing their best side to the Harvard administration.”

The decision to show their best side at the grille was part of an elaborate scheme that came to Guilianelli “in a dream.” The boys acted on Guilianelli’s fantasy only a few days later by laying down an electric gauntlet to Kirkland residents. On the grille’s rainbow-colored electronic message board, they informed their salivating patrons that if they managed to sell $200 worth of grill items in a single night, that they would follow up such monetary success with a subsequent night of naked grilling. Several nights later, hungry Harvard students, led by an elite cadre of buyers of multiple drinks, made the boys live up to their electronic word.

However, although the effort brought mounds of moolah to the grille, this was far from being the main motivating factor in this venture. “I must confess,” Guilianelli said flashing his large, dark eyes, “making money was incidental. I was just looking forward to showing off my tight posterior.”

Both boys admit that such glee surrounding nakedness would not be so easily cultivated in other Houses. With Kirkland’s annual IncestFest already encouraging House members to get down and dirty with blockmates, many residents of the campus’ smallest house have learned to be truly comfortable in their own skin. “People talk about Adams House, but there I feel like you have to be weird and naked,” Guilianelli said, above the din of the grill’s television. “Here, you can just be naked, and we love you anyway.”

Kauffman smiled at his fellow grille master, and nodded in agreement. “This place is like my womb,” he added. If the grille is comfortable for these guys now, the bonding experience of working naked might make it even more so. Guilianelli admitted that “their butts touched” a couple times thoughout the evening, as the grille is “rather close quarters.” However, after recieving several “oohs” and “aahs” from female residents, these two single dreamboats are thinking of taking their nakedness to the next level.

“Maybe we should start delivering,” Kauffmann mused. “Or make house calls.”

But no matter what their naked careers have in store, the boys promise for many more Sunday fun days with similarly scandalous themes. With a potential Latin dancing and music night in the near future, the boys hope to draw people to the latest hot, hot spot on campus. “Just tell everyone to come on down to the Kirkland grille,” Kauffmann said. “Whether it’s pasties or pastries, we deliver.”