Fifteen Minutes

P. Diddy’s hopes were likely crushed this weekend when his ex, über-diva J-Lo, swapped vows with her dancer beau Chris Judd. The two have been living in marital bliss for

8,640 minutes.

When Colorado resident Juan Sanchez-Marchez opened his 20-ounce bottle of Ora Potency Fruit Punch last week, he found an extra special surprise: three inches of a severed penis. The source is a mystery because authorities have detemined it must have been in the bottle for at least a year, or

525,600 minutes.

The Onion held off on putting out an issue right after the events of Sept. 11, but when it went online last Tuesday, featuring articles directly addressing the attack on America—”Holy Fucking Shit”—the website was mobbed with readers. Some 399,791 people visited the site in just

1,440 minutes.

With 0.54 ounces of belly button fuzz to his name, Australian Graham Barker made it into the 2002 edition of the Guiness Book of World Records, published last week. He has collected his bodily fluff every day since 1984, or for

14,191,200 minutes.

In other Guiness Book of World Records news, Ken Edwards just got the nod for fastest cockroach eating. On March 5, 2001, he ate 36 medium-sized creatures in

1 minute.

Al Gore ‘69 is a hot ticket. Students snatched up the 240 seats available for his ARCO forum speech tonight in about

10 minutes.

Matthew Perry, move over. After getting out of alcohol rehab last month, Ben Affleck got into more trouble Monday. Cops clocked the actor speeding 114 mph near Macon, Ga. He posted cash bond and was released in about

20 minutes.

Oxford University classes kick off Monday for Chelsea Clinton, who is pursuing a master’s degree in international relations, in about

5,760 minutes.

Famed director Ang Lee recently went in front of the camera to sing “Victory, Illinois” for a University of Illinois ad. Roger Ebert, Robert Novak and other famous alums appear in the spot, which runs

0.5 minutes.

Runners have an unlikely friend in giant killer hornets. At the Berlin marathon on Sunday, Naoko Takahashi sped to the finish line after drinking juice from the flying bugs, shaving 14 seconds off the record female time of

140 minutes.

Tube workers in London were equipped with batons to hurry passengers onto trains on Monday. The hope is that they will cut waiting times at stations to

0.33 minutes.

The Emmy Awards, which have been rescheduled for this Sunday, are implementing some serious security measures for the ceremony. Like travelers heading to airports, attendees have been asked to arrive early by at least

60 minutes.

Getting to D.C. is possible again! National Airport reopened today, after being shut since Sept. 11, or for

20,160 minutes.

When Sen. Strom Thurmond (R-S.C.), 98, briefly collapsed in the Senate chamber on Tuesday, Sen. Bill Frist (R-Tenn.), a heart surgeon, came to the rescue. The Senate recessed for

20 minutes.

After former Undergraduate Council treasurer Justin A. Barkley ‘02 proposed to his Tufts girlfriend at Sunday’s UC meeting, a flood of congratulations, hugs and tears followed for approximately

15 minutes.

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