Gossip Guy!

…¿Gossip Guy fiesta edition? ¡Si! You’ll go loco over our grande lies, rumors con salsa, and el innuendo de los burritos…

...Gregory T. Logan ’02 was slightly disconcerted by the reactions of Svetlana H. Ashanski ‘02’s roommates as he left her DeWolfe apartment post-hookup on Sunday morning. “What’s up, P—wait, you’re not the guy she usually sleeps with!” commented Marnie J. Cowling ’02. Cowling’s boyfriend, who had also spent the night, added “Pete! Dude! Whass—Whoa, who the fuck are you!?”...

... Which current Harvard President and former Secretary of the Treasury fell asleep during Yom Kippur services last week? Mazel tov, big guy....

...Model U. N. jock Steven B. O’Connell ’03, back in action after what he described as “a yearlong cease-fire unitlaterally imposed by the Special Commission on Gonorrea,” was shocked when his evening with allegedly lapsed Catholic Sherry B. Horner ’03 took an unexpectedly abstinent turn. “I was so pissed, man. I totally thought she was gonna hook up with me. You know, smoking and drinking and shit. But it turns out that she’s still Catholic below the waist.”...

...Did Corker Q. Picker ’02-03 intern at the Washington Institute of Sticking a Rod Up Your Ass this summer or what?...

…Tommy’s is failing to live up to even the meager promise of its unofficial slogan, “Tommy’s: Because High Kids Will Eat Any Crap That’s Hot,” disappointing even the very stoned. Complained Mather resident Tyrone P. Pfeiffer ’02, who was extremely baked, “Dude, these wings rate a total 0 on the Wing-O-Meter.” He then inquired whether Gossip Guy “was going to finish those cheese fries.”...

...At the plate with runners on first and second in the bottom of the seventh, Alan D. Camp ’04 hit into a textbook 6-4-3 double play, if you get my drift...

...Some have wondered if non-practicing Jew Harriet T. Vostock ‘02’s relationship with Hillel parliamentarian Avi C. Nehumi ’02 has rekindled her spiritual flame. “Nope,” responded Vostock, using a microwave on the Sabbath to heat up her meal of milk-battered pork-fried ham...

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