Jennifer Y. Hyman

Psychic on JYH “Do you feel like you’re psychic? I think you are. You are very composed and very articulate.
By The CRIMSON Staff

“Do you feel like you’re psychic? I think you are. You are very composed and very articulate. You take things in through all of your senses. Your composure requires that you keep people at a bit of a distance from you initially. You draw people in when you get to know them.

You are getting out of the media world into something more exciting – leadership – it requires a lot of hard work. The field is more creative. It feels like the design world - colors, textures, lighting, paint. You feel art through the pores of your skin. Maybe you are a freelance artist.

I just saw you show me an architecture book. ‘I did this,’ you said. Your 15 minutes of fame is connected to this book. You pulled everyone together to have it published and it is a classic – a coffee table book. Your life’s dream all has to do with building, construction and design. It could be that building or developing is what your husband does. I keep on hearing Frank Lloyd Wright. You are connected to him.

Your husband will get you out of politics and into a profession where there is a lot of money. Everything in your future is big – big house, big yard, big parties, big cars, big kids, big appetite, big gowns, big money. You are part of the quintessential power couple. Your power and influence will come from being very well connected.

Are men a hobby for you? You don’t collect men, do you? Men are just snacks to you. But, there is a man coming along who is going to sweep you off your feet. He’s just like you are. He wants to have power and influence. Fame or recognition comes with him. He knows everybody. He may be kind of rebellious and disruptive and you would have to tame him because he is like a horse that hasn’t been broken. But you will end up getting in trouble together. Within three weeks of graduation he bursts on the scene. He is very much your equal and loves you for who you are. I think you are going to be taller than he is, but only when you wear high heels. As a couple, your energy is contagious. You are always entertaining people and you have to ability to draw people out of themselves and get the truth out of them. Physically, your man is husky and politically, Republican.

You are more of a tigress and you will have to teach him a few things sexually. You will have two children together and they will both be boys. I can see you playing outdoor games with your sons in the fall alongside two big dogs. You will live in Connecticut. There is a need to have it be easy to get into New York City. New York is your key city.”

FGT on JYH

Jenn has big hair. Her curly mane, in fact, connotes her entire ebullient presence. Striding down the street, hair billowing behind her, breasts leading the way, Jenn is all woman. She’s so much woman that she, unfailingly, plays a sequin-wearing Diva (Diana Ross) for Halloween.

Jenn’s cell phone is bright red. She favors tight green tops, turquoise halters, low-slung Deisel jeans and tan leather coats with snaps. If Jenn’s writing could be associated, somehow, with her clothing, every one of her stories would be a Moschino haute couture limited edition strapless dress. “My sister and I have big butt problems,” she says after realizing that her black, lacy thong was emerging from inside her trousers. And Jenn’s butt is famous. She has a gorgeous, luscious rear that attracts, as she says, mostly black men and Hispanics. All she wants, really, is a nice Jewish boy. But boys be damned. Jenn is on the track to the big time. Her pop culture references, her allusions to style, her grasp of what’s hot, what’s hip and what is totally passé, is honed to the sharpest perception. For advice on men and clothes, people flock to Jenn like pilgrims to Mecca. But, her style is so accented by a clear intelligence, that questions about Louis Vuitton are left by the wayside as Jenn’s peers listen to her theories on poverty, society and classism. William Julius Wilson, the world’s authority on race and poverty is Jenn’s biggest fan. Somehow, through her social studies driven forays into K-School culture, Jenn has impressed the likes of Rick Kaplan (past president of CNN) and Chris Matthews (Hardball guru).

And Jenn gets animated. Her hands start waving, her voice raises an octave and expands in volume. Her opera singer attitude comes out as her chest starts to heave and she argues people into the ground with a rapier wit and undying rationality. Her work at 48 Hours and Salomon Smith Barney only hints at Jenn’s capacity for power. Once she puts on her Armani pants suit, Jenn is ready to hit the City and take over the town. Besides an obvious marriage to a rich and successful man, a big house in Greenwich and a bevy of uber-talented offspring, Jenn’s future will hold one special thing: celebrity.

In some capacity, Jenn will rule the media world. With cell phone in hand, Jenn will single-handedly change the way TV, print and film functions. Her big personality will come in handy; people listen to her. They can’t help it. Jenn, besides being persuasive as hell, had an all-encompassing take on the future of FM, which will shift into a global view of the media world. Her voice will impact the smallest story and the largest feature because, overall, her sense of style is impeccable. This woman knows what’s right and knows what’s wrong—her incredible understanding of relationships and power structures will cause her media conglomerate to rule the entire world. Standing in her ballroom, ushering in the guests for her charity dinner, Jenn will, in the back of her mind, be making a deal between her company and AOL Time Warner. For at this point, Jenn will have already purchased Disney, destroyed Microsoft and embraced Fox. When it’s all over, Jenn will still be the Diva of the style world. It’s up to her to set the tone.

Tags
Gadfly