As Follows

From: [a wounded man] To: [a friend] Subject: [some guy] is an asshole Hey [friend] so, [guy’s name] is being
NO WRITER ATTRIBUTED

Date: [Two weeks before Halloween]

From: [drunk kid]

To: [lots of his friends]

Subject: Wonder Years

For those of you who just missed prehaps the beaxst eveing of my ,ligfe. Barring, of course, the blosdgett night, heree’s a word of advice: never miss anothers one. BILL AND I TOOK SHOTS WITH BECKY FROM THE WONDER YEARS. you heremember her? she’s hot now, and she was in a vikin woman’s costume, if you can imageine that. HOT. Anyway, we toom shots, me, [roommate] and becky.

xhe was like, come back again soemtime. Id tthat’s not enough, HER SISTER IS WINNIE FROM THE WONDER YEARS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Holy shit I nearly crappedmy pants over tahst one. that one. error, explanatory varialble. Just call me dMoney. dTimeover d MONEY. Anyway. I stubbed my toe really hard but [shush] we can’t yell because [roommate] and [badly spelled roommate’s name] are writing papersa. They told us to “keep iutdown, yo” so we will./ SHHHHHH. HAHAHA Jagermister and goldshlager. those were the shots. mmmmm.... winnie. sooo HOT! WINNIE!!!!! HOT!!!!!! hwy, id you hols down both shoift buttons, it still givese you exclmaitions poiunts... Shit. Sorry bros and hos. Blaaaaaaaa is whatsat [misspelled roommate’s name] says. VLAAASSSHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! TOUCHEZ!!!!!!!!!!!!

Vill’s drunk. That’s vill with a b. Shut up.

We told them I was from law school and bill was from sb schosl. But they knew. one xchick wa from cabot house, grad of 2000, she was like, wI don’t remember you, and we rwere like, word, that’s cuz we UNDERGRADS FOOOL!!!

who ias [someone]@fas? Rbodocop? Friend?

42.............

Air MCNAIR IS IN [some guy’s] HIST OF SCI CLASS!!!!!!!!!!!

SQUIRRELS!!!!!!!!

So thisone time....

MY LEAGUE IS NOT THE NAT’L FOOTBSAASLL LEASYGUE!!!!!

*As Follows is 100 percent genuine e-mail. Forward submissions to fm@thecrimson.com

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