Harvard vs. Yale

In the pre-game calculations, Harvard has the decisive edge no matter what the category

Harvard students are well aware of the countless ways in which our students, education and city are far superior to those of Yale. But as a reminder—and for the benefit of the hapless Elis making their way into beautiful Cambridge this weekend—The Crimson Staff has collected some lesser known, and often under-appreciated, face-offs between Harvard and the clearly inferior institution we call our rival.

Pride of the College:

Harvard: TR, Class of 1880; FDR, Class of 1904; JFK, Class of 1940.

Yale: Dubya.

Edge: Harvard


Harvard: 366 years of illustrious intellectual history.

Yale: A lock company.

Edge: Harvard

Every Student Should Have:

Harvard: An understanding of science, literature and the “ways of thinking.”

Yale: A gun.

Edge: Harvard

Football Star:

Harvard: NFL prospect Carl Morris ’03.

Yale: Star? Football?

Edge: Harvard

Presidential Power:

Harvard: President Summers: Former U.S. Secretary of the Treasury.

Yale: President Levin: “It is to Harvard that the whole world looks for leadership.”

Edge: Harvard

At The Movies:

Harvard: The feature films Legally Blonde, How High and Stealing Harvard—total gross over $125 million.

Yale: An undergraduate porno—totally gross.

Edge: Harvard

The Other HYP School:

Harvard: Princeton goes after our top professors.

Yale: Princeton goes after its admissions data.

Edge: Harvard

Student-to-Student Communication:

Harvard: Going wireless.

Yale: Restricting Kazaa. (Haha, suckers!)

Edge: Harvard

Community Issues:

Harvard: In search of more space to expand our Nobel-winning academic juggernaut.

Yale: In search of their hubcaps.

Edge: Harvard

As expected, The Crimson defeats the Bulldogs 9-0.

We predict a similar outcome at the game tomorrow—Yale falling defeated at the feet of the mighty Cantabs. The only difference will be a much larger margin of victory.

Want to visualize second-best? Just look into the Lux.