1. Ben Mathis-Lilley and Ben Wasserstein lived together in Weld 52 freshman year. Which of the following scary things did the room’s drunk former occupants say when they came back to Weld?
a) This was the ass-gettingest room on campus
b) Just a tip: Don’t use the far shower
c) We used to pee out of this window
d) He was like, “Dude, she’s a troll.” And I was like, “Dude, just get me a condom.”
e) All of the above. ¡Ay!
2. According to Snoop Dogg’s “Hennessey ’N’ Buddha,” what is “the American drizzeam”?
a) Live life like a wet drizzeam
b) Bad li’l bitches on my tizzeam
c) Smoke dope on my boat, thumbin’ through C-notes
d) 22-inch rims on my Bizzeem
3. Which party was Kenyon Weaver briefly a member of during his sophomore and junior years here?
a) Democratic
b) Republican
c) Libertarian
d) Leverett ’80s Dance
4. Amit Paley once ate an entire ______ in five minutes.
a) issue of FM
b) can of tuna
c) jar of olives
d) Roving Reporter
5. Which of the following yards and quadrangles has Kenyon “Magellan” Weaver circumnavigated in the nude?
a) Radcliffe Quadrangle
b) Harvard Yard
c) Tercentary Theatre
d) MAC Quad
6. Angie Marek’s high school class voted her which of the following?
a) Most Likely to Edit a Weekend Magazine
b) Worst Driver
c) Best Writer
d) Foxiest Babe
7. Which tune did Kenyon Weaver borrow for this verse, which he sang in front of a high school assembly while running for Student Council senior year: “I won’t deny it/I’m running for senate/You know you want to vote for me/Gonna go in there and lead/So please vote for ‘The Weav’.”
a) Warren G feat. Nate Dogg, “Regulate”
b) Jay-Z, “Can’t Knock The Hustle”
c) Tupac, “Ambitionz az a Ridah”
d) Shania Twain, “Still the One”
8. Ben Mathis-Lilley was the _____ of Midland High School in Midland, Mich.
a) Valedictorian
b) Salutatorian
c) JV volleyball coach
d) Super Gaywad
9. What school did Angie Marek attend before transferring to Harvard?
a) Northeastern
b) Northwestern
c) Cape Cod Community College
d) Northsouthern
e) Northnorthern
10. Complete the following Chronic 2001 lyric: When I’m loving these hos...
a) it’s awesome
b) ain’t no love involved
c) I’m lovin’ ‘em from the backside
d) I am gentle and considerate
11. What was the entirety of Mathis-Lilley-roommate Jon Ungar’s answers to his second Ec 10 midterm?
a) A line labeled “supply” and a triangle labeled “demand”
b) The word “Economics,” underlined twice
c) One unlabeled set of axes
d) Three complete bluebooks of stick-figure porn
12. The fact that Ben Wasserstein is frequently asked why the hell his picture deserves to be on the Winthrop dining hall’s “Famous Winthropians” bulletin board is evidence that
a) Honeys will use any lame excuse to chat up The Wass
b) Fellas will use any lame excuse to chat up The Wass
c) No one reads his Editor’s Notes
13. Get Christine Yokoyama really drunk and she will dance
a) on the bar
b) all night lizzong
c) with Kenyon
d) a and b but never c
Answers: (1) e. ¡Ay!; (2) b; (3) b; (4) c; (5) a; (6) b and d; (7) c; (8) a and d; (9) b; (10) b; (11) c; (12) c; (13) d