A Timely Visit With Dr. Love

Nobody Doesn't Like Brenda Lee

Ah, love. It’s that time of year.

In the month after the disappointment or elation of Valentine’s Day—the realization that whatever this is just ain’t gonna work or that *flutter* indicating he/she is THE ONE—it’s normal to reevaluate the status of your relationship.

That’s where I come in.

Ladies and gentlemen, the Love Doctor is here to solve your problems. I’m here for your trials and tribulations, offering advice to the lovelorn and the lost. I’m your new best friend, psychiatrist and mentor all rolled in one. And, somehow, this is all related to the wonderful world of sports.

Scary, no?

Here we go…

Dear Love Doctor,

My boyfriend has become obsessed with the victory of the Canadian hockey teams in the Olympics. Though his joy is understandable because he is, in fact, Canadian, it has recently grown out of control. He parades around using a Canadian flag as a cape and his hockey jerseys have become part of his skin. While I’m all for Canadian triumph every once in a while, this is ridiculous. What should I do?

Sincerely,

Kooky for a Canadian in Kirkland

My Dear Kooky,

I think the real source of your problem is the fact that your boyfriend needs to realize that as much as Canada claims it’s a country, it’s actually an American colony. We have to forgive Canucks for their insecurities. I mean, the U.S. did win twice as many medals as Canada in the Winter Olympics this year.

Just look at Jamie Sale and David Pelletier, the pairs skaters who whined their way to gold medals instead of dealing with the fact that there are winners and losers and it doesn’t always work out the way it should. Judging is imprecise at best, so just deal with it. Two gold medals for one “sport” is a bit much.

Another thing—Canada’s always bragging about its hockey skills. So the Canadians spanked the U.S. in the Olympic championships. That proves nothing, save for the fact that they are more adept at hitting a piece of vulcanized black rubber while skating around in circles on ice. Hardly a useful skill.