Fifteen Trends FM Wants Back

A nostalgic look at styles that once were

Women’s Shoulder Pads

Although this look has already returned once since its 80s heyday, it desperately needs to stick around for good. There is nothing sexier than a successful woman who looks like a Pittsburgh Steelers linebacker.

Men’s Full Body Bathing suit à la 1920s and 1930s

Mystery is sexy. These days, with Speedos and other “clothing,” nothing is left to the imagination. Modern fashion needs to harken back to its glory days when women and men attired themselves similarly while preparing to immerse themselves in water.

Monocles

There have been thousands too many calls of “Four Eyes.” Bringing back the monocle, these kids and adults would be hailed as style mavens instead of being teased mercilessly.

Gang Wars Fought Entirely Through Dance à la West Side Story

If movies haven’t lied to us, Brooklyn gang wars in the 1950s were fought entirely through dance. But these days, weapons have replaced out-dancing your enemy. This is intolerable. Let’s come together and settle our disputes in pirouettes and gyrations.

Sexy Spacesuits à la Barbarella

When the space program meant mystery and majesty, rather than bureaucracy and unnecessary death, the nation celebrated through space chic. The revelatory beauty of Jane Fonda’s outfit in Barbarella is more important than petty changes in our national character.

Codpiece

It is every man’s right to show off his God-given gifts. Period.

Togas and Sandals

FM was hoping these would come back when Gladiator was clawing to the top of the Oscar pack, but they never really made it. Tevas might get some play, but we’re talking full Roman regalia here. The best part, clearly, is that, like a kilt, you don’t need anything else on.

Grunge

How can you not love continually sleepy eyes, lack of interest in personal hygiene and suicidal self-importance?