Fashioning Democracy

This year’s presidential race goes way beyond the usual buttons and bumper stickers-—the paraphernalia war has reached new levels of intensity. In a town like Cambridge, left-leaning paraphernalia is most common. And while the savvy shopper may find some conservative items for sale, Republicans may have to head to the internet.

In the Neighborhood

Hidden Sweets on Brattle Street sells an array of Bush bashing T-shirts featuring slogans such as “A Village in Texas Has Lost Its Idiot,” “Don’t Act Stupid, We Have World Leaders for That,” “Banana Republican,” and the provocative “Lick Bush 2004.” If mocking only the President doesn’t satisfy you, Hidden Sweets also sells a t-shirt with the faces of both Bush Senior and Junior, and the catchphrase “Dumb and Dumber.”

In addition to t-shirts, Hidden Sweets carries note pads featuring Dick Cheney and his famous “Go Fx#% Yourself,” coasters with our articulate President’s most eloquent remarks, an inflatable punching bag with an image of the president and the words “Battling Bush,” and chewing gum emblazoned with the president’s visage, entitled “Dum-Gum; 8 Idiot Proof Pieces.”

There are a few items of conservative paraphernalia amidst the panoply of liberal items. Hidden Sweets stocks George W. Bush earrings and “Hillary in a Box.” And in the food section the theme becomes more bipartisan, stocking both Democratic and Republican BBQ Sauces.

For those still stuck on the good old-fashioned button, head over to the other Hidden Sweets on Church St. Here you can find “Daddy’s Little War Criminal” and “Recall Bush” buttons. Conveniently, you can also get your “All Gay all the Time,” “Queer as Fuck” and “What Part of Lesbian Didn’t You Understand?” buttons in the same place. For those seeking t-shirts more angry and less quirky, Million Year Picnic on Mt. Auburn Street sells a t-shirt that reads “Blunder-Bush, Bush Lied 800 Died, Fire that Liar.” They also carry a furtively explicit “Buck Fush” t-shirt—familiar to Harvard students who sport “yuck fale” gear every November.

On The Right Side of Things

If the pickings in Cambridge might not meet a hip neo-cons’s need for savvy slogans, internet shopping can compensate. The Harvard Republican Club sells a t-shirt on its website that reads “Why be politically correct when you can be right?” and “Right since 1888.” If you’re starting to warm up to this beautiful New England weather, you might want to check out therightstuffcomedy.com, where you can find John Kerry flip flops. Offered in black and white, these flops have John Kerry quotes printed on them highlighting the candidate’s stance reversals on various issues.

Appealing to the little boy in all of us, numerous companies also offer George W. Bush action dolls. At talkingpresidents.com you can find the Turkey Dinner George W. Bush and the Top Gun George W. Bush. At probush.com you can find the Elite Force Aviator George W. Bush, and at toypresidents.com you can find a George W. Bush doll with a disconcerting frown. Also available on toypresidents.com is a jolly Bill Clinton action figure, with a big welcoming smile.

Playing with a full deck?

Someone thought it would be clever to turn the Bush administration into royalty. These playing cards, while reminding us to “Vote Bush,” feature humorous pictures of Bush’s administration and supporters. The King of Hearts is of course the King of compassionate conservatism himself, George W. Bush. Decked out in skin tight spandex, with rippling muscles and a tight Speedo, he’s bound to find his way into any card shark’s heart. Right by his side is the queen of hearts, first lady Laura Bush, posing as a doctor. Moving down the royal hierarchy, we find the captain of the ship, Jack of Diamonds Dick Cheney—steering the ship with his characteristic smirk. Rounding out this Republican coterie are three of diamonds Ann Coulter, six of hearts Jerry Falwell, and of course the terminator, six of diamonds Arnold Schwarzenagger bidding “Hasta La Vista” to John Kerry. And don’t forget those Jokers Ted M. Kennedy and John “Flip-Flop” Kerry. Like the funny men they are, they wear ruffled collars and jester hats with dangling dollar sign pendants.

For the Democratic gambler, kerrydeck.com sells a corresponding vote John Kerry Card Deck.

the official word

Both Campaigns offer official gear on their campaign websites. For the Northeastern urban hipster contingent, the John Kerry Online Store offers an array of vintage gear. In addition, they sell a variety of dog tags including a Gay Lesbian Bisexual Transgender Rainbow Kerry-Edwards Dog Tag. For those who want to wallow in past democratic defeats, the online store also sells historic campaign buttons, including Gore-Lieberman, Mondale, and Stevenson for President. For those nostalgic Democrats, Hidden Sweets also sells a t-shirt that reads “Carter in ’80: ‘He’ll Work for Peanuts.’”

A visit to the George W. Bush Online Store has several lines of fashion, giving Tommy Hilfiger a run for his money. The trendiest-looking line is called “Interstate W ’04”, seemingly geared towards the adventurous voter—all items are featured in front of a photo of a highway stretching towards snow-capped peaks in the American West. “W the President” is a stark black-and white look favored by day-traders who sport its polo shirts and carry its coffee mugs. And last but not least there’s the Farm-Ranch Team for all those down-home country boys. This site sells Silver W’04 belt buckles, leather “W’04” coasters, and “W’04” western hats. The Bush website makes sure to boast “All products offered on The George W. Bush Online Store are made in the U.S.A.” Offering 2nd Day shipping at no extra charge, this store is perfect for pro-Bush fashionistas.

Can any conclusions be drawn from the cornucopia of slogans, signs, and silliness being sold to promote Presidential candidates? While the right likes to brag about its decisiveness, its manliness, and the fact that it is “always right”, the left likes to flaunt its intellectual superiority and is always ready for a crass sexual joke. The decision rests with the shoppers.