The executives of The Crimson's editorial board put their slightly scuffed crystal ball to work.

Stephen W. Stromberg '05

Editorial Chair

Donald Rumsfeld will actually become Secretary of State.

Benjamin J. Toff '05

Editorial Chair

President Bush, delighted to hear of Osama bin Laden’s offer of a truce with Europe, will be disappointed when his advisers explain that America is not, in fact, part of Europe. He will also be crushed when he learns that Europe is where France is.

Morgan R. Grice '06

Associate Editorial Chair

The next time anyone questions parliamentary procedure, Undergraduate Council President Matthew W. Mahan ’05 will remain calm while picking his teeth with a long, sharpened jack-knife.

Travis R. Kavulla '06

Associate Editorial Chair

If the prolific rumors that H Bomb is desperate for decent copy have a grain of truth—thousands of student dollars can’t buy quality prose—the final product may end up confusing eager readers for yet another Lampoon parody.

Margaret M. Rossman '06

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