No. 1: THE AMATUER ETHICIST: We Don’t Always Whine. Want Proof? Read This God-Forsaken Magazine.

Dear FM’s Amateur Ethicist,

Two years ago, I helped to write an FM cover story called “Should We All Just Have Gone To Yale?” I railed against our social life, our housing system, our administration’s (possibly) weak commitment to the well-being of students, and the lack of cheap beer for underage kids. Now I feel guilty. I don’t hate Harvard. And the floodgates have opened: all we ever do is whine. What should I do?

Feeling sorry,

Haven, Happy Not To Be in New Haven

Dear Haven,

Cheer up. In the two years since you wrote your story, our endowment has grown by a 10-digit number. Our faculty members have won Nobel Prizes. Our admissions have become yet more selective, yielding a more diverse and smarter student body. Our administration has made a comparatively Herculean effort to improve social life. Our University President has finally decided to stop living in sin. And you’re still not in New Haven!

Besides, it would never matter that you criticized our ivory tower. Criticism for the sake of criticism yields interesting responses, if ones that are of the I-cut-myself-to-make-the-pain-real ilk. Yup, rants from Harvard’s poor, sad, populous of aspiring i-bankers have led to, well, not much. You’ve been totally ineffective! Solid.

Read this issue, and stop whining about past whining and the whining it fostered.

Crimson love and mine,

FM’s Amateur Ethicist