Whose Pep Rally Rules All Pep Rallies?

Tonight at 10 p.m., Harvard will have a pep rally. HoCos, the Undergraduate Council, H-Club, the Pub Night Commission, and administrators have made this event possible, citing the need for more school spirit at Harvard.

Thursday night pep rallies may be fairly unprecedented at Harvard, but in Texas, even the Pecan Springs Elementary cheerleaders use their Thursday nights to pump it up. The cheerleaders, who range “roughly two to four feet in height,” brought a crowd to its feet at their Blackshear Elementary audience at a recent rally, The Austin Chronicle reported. Not even home turf!

Will Harvard live up? A comparative analysis.

TEXAS ELEMENTARY SCHOOL

Location: Packed stadium/auditorium.

Atmosphere: Roid-rage.

On the sidelines: Mable R. Evers, 87, fan since 1922.

The fans: Screaming teenagers.

What’s hot: Hooking up with the quarterback.

Extreme show of school spirit: Painting chest and running around in circles screaming “WHO READY?”

What we’re psyched for: The game!!!!!

How to get us there: Playing “Who Let the Dogs Out” over the school announcements.

Pep rally faux pas: Not standing up and dancing to the Fight Song because you’re “tired.” Sleep when you’re dead, bitches.

HARVARD STATE COLLEGE

Location: In front of the John Harvard Statue.

Atmosphere: Partly cloudy. (People have to show up for there to be an atmosphere.)

On the sidelines: Takako Shimazu, Japanese tourist since yesterday.

The fans: Assistant Dean of the College Paul J. McLoughlin, screaming.

What’s hot: Hooking up with someone.

Extreme show of school spirit: Attending.

What we’re psyched for: Zero-tolerance tailgate!!!!!!

How to get us there: Ply us with beer through Ho-Co pre-parties.

Pep rally faux pas: Falling asleep standing up.

BOTH

Cheerleaders

BYOB

Spirit fingers