DEAR NIKKI: Getting the timing right

Dear Nikki,

I’ve been feeling really overwhelmed lately and have been considering taking time off. I’ve talked to a bunch of different people about this, but still don’t know what to do. What do you think about taking time off?

—Undecided Undergraduate


Congrats—you have already engaged in the most important undertaking: Reflection. It can be difficult to take a step back and evaluate how you’re feeling in the midst of a busy schedule, and it is even more difficult to recognize exactly what you need at the moment.

Remember that you don’t always have to follow the traditional path, and so taking some time off should be a reasonable option.

At the same time, feeling overwhelmed doesn’t necessarily mean that you need to automatically decide to stop everything you’re doing right now.

Taking some time off to do something different and “reflect” can indeed be useful. In fact, Harvard encourages an interim year (or “gap year” as they call it in England) between high school and college by offering the chance to defer admittance. In some cases the school requires some to take a year off before matriculating, resulting in a group of students affectionately termed the “Z-listers.”

According to a memo by Dean of Admissions William Fitsimmons, “Time Out or Burn Out for the Next Generation,” Harvard has proposed the option of taking year off before beginning college in its letter of admission for 30 years.

What are the benefits to taking time off now, even after starting school? You can work, travel, spend some extra time with the family, and just do something different. It gives you an extra year before you need to think about the larger picture.

Often, the feeling that you are burned out is the result of trying to live up to goals that are set based off of other people’s standards. Time off can encourage you to discover your own passions and come to terms with how you feel.

Life at Harvard can indeed be daunting—especially as holiday time approaches, which brings along loads of work in addition to the fun (but often pressure-filled) Secret Santa, gift-giving and family celebrations.

At the same time, though, you should think about whether taking time right now is the best decision for you. Maybe all you need is a change of pace at school—a switch of activities or a difference course load. Perhaps you instead want to take some time to do something different the year after college. Whatever the case, you should think through your decision and consider the way you may want to spend your time off.

Remember that the notion of “taking time” in general is a vital component of avoiding the threat of a burnout. So try to give yourself time out every step of the way during college. There’s nothing wrong with taking a Saturday afternoon to yourself to walk around Boston and get away from the chaos of Cambridge. In every week and every day, there should be some time out for you.



Sincerely,

Nikki­——who feels she really benefited from a year off before beginning college..



Dear Nikki,

I’ve gone out with this girl on a couple of dates now, and they’ve all ended with hug and a kiss on the cheek. For some reason, I just can’t get a kiss on the lips. How should I go in for the kiss?

—Lustful Lips



While the inability to attain the revered end-of-date smooch doesn’t correspond to complete failure, it can be frustrating for both parties if there is no physical affirmation of interest.

Remember that it’s okay to be nervous in these types of situations: if you actually like this girl, it’s only natural to be a bit jittery. But here’s something to give you a boost of confidence—if she has actually agreed to go out with you on a number of occasions, she’s most likely into you. So at this point, you really should just go for it. What do you have to lose?

Finding the right moment to pucker up can be difficult. While a nice walk by the river during sunset may conjure up perfect romantic images in our minds, rarely are we presented with such a perfect moment.

Plus, sometimes an inability to land a kiss with finesse can be just as much of a turn-off as too much aggressiveness.

But never fear! It is still possible To Succeed in Besos Without Really Trying!

First and foremost, be as natural as you can. Go with the flow. The minute you try to look for your perfect moment, awkwardness will set in. At the same time, you do need to set up the conversation a little bit. For example, maybe switch your topic of conversation from the sheep brains you dissected in biology class to the fact that you like the way she laughs. My guess is it would be hard to find an opportunity to lock lips during a scalpel-filled tête-à-tête.

Also, take it slow. The first kiss will usually begin with a gentle peck on the lips. And if the mood hits, it can then develop into something more passionate. But don’t think that you’ll go directly from point A to the moon.

Lastly, though it may be tempting to “get past” the first kiss smoothly by downing a few drinks, don’t rely on inebriation as the source of your charm. (And bring your breathmints.) Make the first kiss an authentic experience if you can... it may be the first of hundreds more to come.



Sincerely,

Nikki—who would like to assert to FM editors that she has turned her cab light on in the past.



—“Dear Nikki” runs on Mondays. Send letters to DearNikki@thecrimson.com. Letters will be published anonymously.