15 Things To-Do List: Larry’s Last Semester and Beyond

1) Mass Hall blackout ragefest.

2) Be led by the Ghost of Harvard Presidents Past to see the error of his ways.

3) Tell us what he really thinks about women in science.

4) Room 13 for last-minute peer counseling.

5) Have sex in the Widener stacks (American lit?)

6) Pop a squat on the John Harvard statue.

7) Help the Third World rectify its pollution deficit.

8) Wing eating contests with Bill Clinton.

9) Freakonometrics.

10) Get featured on rap albums, cut a diss track about Cornell West.

11) Be unemployed in effect, if not in intent.

12) Visit OCS, prepare resume and cover letters.

13) Listen to “Total Eclipse of the Heart,” on repeat, in the dark.

14) Get university staff to sign his yearbook.

15) Fade into Bolivion.