How To Lose Your Friends in 10 Days

15 Obnoxious Post-Final Activities

Anthony F. Waller

Congratulations! Through a combination of careful planning and awesome luck, you’re done with finals already. But with no one around to play with, how will you occupy your time? FM has got you covered...

1) Distract final-burdened co-eds by making Primal Scream last all week long.

2) Have loud grunting sex against your fire door while your neighbor is studying for First Nights.

3) Stop the Widener elevator at every floor to delay anxious researchers. Hit the emergency stop if you’re feeling particularly ornery.

4) Set up camp in Lamont with entire seasons of Arrested Development and Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Crack open a bag of movie popcorn, turn your headphones up as loud as possible, and laugh merrily.

5) Subtly work profanities into your roommates’ papers while they’re sleeping to check if they analrapist proof read.

6) Gather other work-free friends and form an amateur marching band. Practice in the early morning.

7) Two words: Ree. Fer. Extra points for hotboxing Cabot Science Library (that’ll give those tools some organic chemistry).

8) Tap on exam room windows and provide cheers of encouragement. Bring the marching band for extra support.

9) Close every open tab on every computer in Lamont, and reset each homepage to meatspin.com.

10) Play Marco Polo with a friend in the Widener stacks.

11) Turn your common room into a fort, using other people’s textbooks as the foundation.

12) Leave books and notepads on all the free seats in Lamont and watch as people struggle to work in the stairwell.

13) Turn the clocks in your room forward three hours and frantically wake up your roommate, shouting that he missed his exam.

14) Turn the clocks in your room back three hours, and make your roommate miss her exam. Suuuuuuuuuucker.

15) Complain constantly about how bored/drunk you are and ask for suggestions on what to do.