A Run Down of Round House Kicks

David I. Fulton-Howard

The next Chuck Norris could be on campus right now.

Can’t tell Tai Chi from pad thai? With the growing number of martial arts groups on campus, the distinction has definitely become hazier. The four largest of these groups—Harvard Wushu, Harvard Aikido, Harvard Shotokan Karate, and Harvard Tai Chi Tiger-Crane Club (Kung Fu)—sat down with FM to enlighten us on who’s who, and who kicks the most ass. FM: How did your art originate? Aikido: It’s a Japanese martial art, a very recent martial art, developed by a man we call “O Sensei,” about 60 years ago. O Sensei was a martial-arts prodigy. Kung Fu: Before any sort of martial arts, humans fought, but it was disorganized. Kung Fu was really the first martial art in the world—it orignated at the Shaolin Temple in China. FM: Ever have to “wax-on, wax-off” when you aren’t cleaning a car? Basically, have you ever applied your martial art in the real world? Aikido: Luckily, I’ve never had to. Karate: No. Kung Fu: I haven’t. FM: So much for practical...regardless: Karate, Wushu, Aikido, Kung Fu, and FM—no weapons, no mercy. Who wins? Wushu: We basically encompass all the other martial arts; it’s kind of no contest there. Aikido: Aikido could win, by turning the other people against each other—that would be an Aikido way of dealing with things. Karate: When you learn to fight, you learn to fight for your style. If you’re talking about all-out ass kicking, it’s hard to say. Kung Fu: I don’t know...Kung Fu club would win unless The Crimson had access to alcohol...they could use drunken style. You actually imitate a drunkard holding two shot glasses. Jackie Chan had his start there. (Ed. note: Clearly, they’re all wrong. FM would win hands down.)