venn diagram: The Tower Records Lot

New home for probable disappointment if Harvard buys the space

What Harvard Would Probs Do:

Lame Idea #1: Let yet another not 24-hour fast-food chain buy up the space;

(everyone loves McDonalds)!

Lame Idea #2: Put a few beds in it and call it overflow housing for upperclassmen.

Lame Idea #3: Store books there to make up for the lack of libraries on campus.

Lame Idea #4: Make more “freshmen-friendly” spaces so freshmen will have more friends.

Lame Idea #5: Use extra endowment money to build nuclear bombs for fun there, rather than dealing with trivial matters like financial aid.

What Harvard Oughts to Do:

Other Idea #1: Put another fucking music store there.

Other Other Idea: Put a few beds in it for Quadlings to nap during the day.

Other Other Other Idea: Queen’s Head Pub II, but with free drinks between classes.

Otherrrrrr Idea: Turn it into a gigantic single for the senior who has the most sex—or actually has sex at all.

Idea: Give it to FM.

Idea, Other: Make it into a laser-tag-video-game-ice-hockey play place.

(other) Idea: Fill it up with water and turn it into an indoor beach area, with a real, albeit

miniature, sun.


Spend way more money than necessary.