Who me? Yes you! Couldn't be...then...maybe...a disgruntled thesis writer???
Two weekends ago, the PfoHo Grill was robbed of cash and comestibles. As the Harvard University Police Department works to track down the hungry burglars, the crime stoppers at FM have concluded an investigation of our own. Here is our list of suspects:
1) University President Drew G. Faust—Nothing like a crisis to consolidate power.
2) Dean of the College David R. Pilbeam—First the fun grants, now this...where will he strike next?
3) Domna—You knew her name freshman year, but did you know she parties harder than you?
4) The Student Labor Action Movement (SLAM)—stocking up for their next hunger strike?
5) The Harvard Canadian Club—The Grill does not accept Canadian dollars.
6) HUPD—Dunkin’ Donuts was closed.
7) Senior Thesis Writers—Class of 2000-ate.
8) The PfoHo Polar Bear—House Mascots gone wild!
9) The Harvard Lampoon—Finally something newsworthy from the semi-secret Sorrento Square social organization that used to occasionally publish a so-called humor magazine.
10) Paris Hilton—pop tarts are like so hot.
11) The Hasty Pudding Theatricals—having to pay was a drag.
12) Professor Michael Sandel—Justice was served.
13) Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles—hungry, silent, and deadly.
14) Professor Plum...in the kitchen...with the fork.
15) Check Gossip Geek for a factually incorrect account and hazy camera-phone photo.