Looks like Lowell house has found a method of keeping intruders out of their dining hall that works even better than dropping trow: opera. All non-residents are officially banned from the dining hall for the next month while the Lowell House Opera prepares its spring performance.
Since the production takes up so much space, the dining hall can no longer fit the people who actually live in the house. They even rehearse during brain break. Because everyone wants a high F sharp with their late-night cereal. Naturally, angry Lowellians have responded in the best way Harvard students know how: passive aggressive email threads. At last count over 20 messages on the topic had been sent. Check out this gem by “STC":
For too long have we endured this operatic tyranny. For too long have we sat complacent while our dining hall, our sacred home, has been overran by illegitimate musical usurpers in their faux-moorish Bastille. For too long have we been denied the basic rights of interhouse guests and leg-room during meals. And tonight another grievance. Before the clock struck half past eight, our beloved Brain Break, which fed us when we were hungry and strengthened us when we were weak, has been stripped of her prize asset: hot water to make tea.
I wonder if the people fighting for the right to bring guest to dinner have ever asked their guests if they actually want to eat in Lowell. With that tiny servery and hidden cereal bar, it’s a pretty big downgrade from all the other river dining halls.
Hath not a Lowellian have eyes? Hath not a Lowellian hands, organs, dimensions, senses, affections, passions? If you prick us, do we not bleed? If you deny us interhouse guests, do we not grumble? If you steal our hot water for tea, do we not thirst? And If you wrong us, shall we not revenge?
My fellow Lowellians, no more! Let us take back our Dining Hall and cast the money-changers out of our temple. Gather your pitchforks, for tonight we shall paint the Bell-tower red with the blood of the Lowell House Opera!!