Hate It: Ice Luge

Ashley Anglade

First of all, let’s just get one thing straight: the “sport” of luge is not really a sport. Lying on top of someone else and letting gravity do its work doesn’t constitute a sport.

Moving on from athletics, the word “luge” is far too close to the word “loogie,” which is just gross, but also mostly accurate. An ice luge at a party results in a number of negative effects. Inevitably, a large amount of alcohol that missed its target mouths ends up spread across the floor, resulting in the typical sketchy, sticky floor. A large portion of the remaining alcohol ends up on the faces and shirts/dresses of those who try to use the ice luge, and nothing is more embarrassing than becoming the “awkward stain guy.” Is it sweat? Booze? Something worse? Nobody knows.

Also, in order to use the ice luge, you have to crouch down in an awkward squat just to take a shot. Apparently nobody has come up with the idea to prop an ice luge up to allow for standing luge runs. And inevitably, the drunkest, heaviest person in the room will saunter on over for a go. And inevitably, that person will subject themselves and everyone around to a good old bend-over. Nobody wins when that happens.

Did I mention that it’s just plain unnecessary? Yes, the alcohol is cold when it gets to your mouth off an ice luge. Awesome. Ever hear of an ice cube? This triumph of modern science allows you to enjoy a cold beverage of whatever alcohol content you desire while still keeping it classy and clean.

Essentially, nothing to do with a luge has ever resulted in something cool happening, ice luges included. Numbing your mouth on the frozen slobber of others just isn’t terribly exciting.

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