Top 5 Locations to Be Occupied

Using protest techniques to fight silliness

Occupy Wall Street has inspired disenfranchised masses to sleep in public parks and send angry tweets to the digital void. The movement’s popular power should be harnessed for cultural good. What places, institutions, or events should we all occupy?

5. A Skrillex Concert

After Skrillex opens the show with a high-pitch synth line, Occupiers will chant “This is what democracy looks like!” until Skrillex apologizes for dubstep and retires.

4. The Today Show Set

When Al Roker starts asking audience members which part of Maryland they’re from, Occupiers will begin chanting in unison about the utopian potential of anarchism.

3. Norton Juster’s Lawn

Fifty years since “The Phantom Tollbooth” and still no sequel. Occupiers will pitch tents on Juster’s front yard and use the people’s mic every night after his bedtime until he begins “The Phantom Tollbooth 2.”

2. The Oscars Red Carpet Ceremony

Occupiers will argue about points of process until 99 percent of viewers have switched to an activity less soul-crushingly boring than watching the Oscars Red Carpet Ceremony.

1. The Harvard Crimson

Something eventually has to be done to get “15 Hottest Freshmen: All Summer Long” off The Crimson’s “Most Read” articles list.

—Outgoing propaganda executive and covers executive and incoming culture minister and chair Alexander E. Traub is a floppy-haired Jew, possible Pinko, and fellow traveler of Vegans.

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