Unconvential Valentine’s Day Cards

To: Dorm Crew Worker

I like the way you don’t mind getting down on your knees. I know you keep it clean, but I would love to get dirty with you.

To: Bio Lab Partner

I get the answers to psets, you get laid. Now that’s what I call a symbiotic relationship.

To: Dining Hall Server

You never leave the kitchen. Marry me?

To: Fuck Buddy

This Valentine’s Day, I want you to be the only one I’m screwing.

To: Student from TF

I may have given you a B for the semester but that thing you do with your tongue definitely deserves an A.

To: Guy From Grinding Last Night

The outline of your penis felt good against my butt. Oh hai.