A High Caliber Event

Francis E Cambronero

The testosterone was rampant, the estrogen minimal, and the Dems nowhere to be seen at last Thursday’s National Rifle Association seminar. The night looked to be an exciting one—indeed, Seth M. Waugh wrote in a rather seductive publicity email the claim that the seminar would give students, “the tools you’ll need to become a more effective activist in the fight to protect our freedom, both on- and off-campus,” and came with free shirts, pizza and year long NRA memberships.

Who could resist this triple whammy of delectable delights?

By the time the event was underway, Glen A. Caroline, the director of NRA’s Grassroots Division, had taken the stage as the first speaker for the night. Caroline, an imposing figure with steely eyes, an intimidating height, and a healthy air of the great outdoors, adopted a shooting stance, demonstrating the professional way of firing a gun—a move that startled at least a few attendees.

In contrast with his rustic look, however, Caroline delivered a speech filled with the utmost sass, verve and wit, coming up with some absolute winners that no doubt left the aspiring English concentrators in the audience stunned in his wake.

Moments of striking erudition included profundities such as: “Gun control doesn’t equate to crime control,” “Gun control never affects criminals ... it does affect citizens,” and “One squeeze, one shot. One squeeze, one shot. One squeeze, one shot.” Strangely absent, however, was the ever popular “Guns don’t kill people—people kill people.”

But the focus of the night was advising students on ways to promote freedom in a student friendly, safe and democratic manner. Clearly, Harvard students had a lot to learn. In fact, exceeding its promises of gun education and free gear, the talk also included helpful tips for student groups to get more fire power and bang for its buck. Some suggestions included a shooting team tailgate, a shooting range study break, or a “Fall in love with the Second Amendment” Valentines Day. (Nope, not kidding.) The night continued its light-hearted-but-deadly-serious tone as clips from the NRA’s “Trigger the Vote” campaign played to wild applause.