Room Raiders: Freshmen Edition

A new school year brings fresh starts. And freshmen. To kick this semester off right, the ladies of FM decided to channel our inner cougars and scope out the fresh meat on campus. We prowled the Yard, not for chiseled chests and piercing eyes, but for impressive hardware of a different variety. With that in mind, we had some fun with the good old-fashioned game of Chuck, Fuck, and Marry.

Room 1 :

When we walk in, “Dick Pleaser” by Lil Wayne is playing—this guy is cutting right to the chase.

The fridge is stocked with bread, ham, cheese, roast beef, peanut butter, and jelly—doesn’t need anyone to make him a sandwich.

Lots of sweet kicks (size 15)—impressive shoes indicate a sense of style. Impressive size indicates lots of sweet kicks.

Bob Marley posters and Pineapple Express—great combination. We can think of something to do before we pop in that DVD.

Prom photo of him and a lady friend—uh oh, this one might be taken.

CS Lewis on his book shelf—we like a good fantasy, too.

Lift scheduled into his calendar—he’s an athlete. This guy’s got to have a bojangin’ bod.

While he might have a girl (for now), this guy seems chill, hot, and we can’t help but think he’s got sex on the mind.

FUCK.

Room 2:

Listerine—we like that minty fresh breath.

Free condoms from the Women’s Center—yes he’s prepared, but we’d like our man to splurge on some higher quality protection.

Top Bunk—there’s no way we’re climbing up there.

Stuff all over the bed—is there even room for us?

Nothing but baby carrots and Rubinoff in the fridge—we guess you need something to chase with ....

Half-eaten corn dog from Cape Crimson—ew.

Environmental Engineering Pamphlet—cares about the environment ... and he keeps his pamphlets.

Keurig—he can make us a decent cup of coffee in the morning.

He may be successful one day, but this man needs someone who will clean his room—and it’s not going to be us.

CHUCK.

Room 3:

Picture with mom—a family man.

Italian Vocab—he’s fluent in the language of romance.

Household Tool Set—good with his hands. And we’ll never have to call a handyman.

Presidents Poster—wouldn’t mind being your first lady.

Perfectly made bed, folded clothes and underwear—looks like we know who will be doing the laundry in this relationship.

Stuffed animals—we’re melting.

Men’s Book: Essential Guide to the Modern Man—this guy is cultured, and knows how to cut a steak.

Sports Illustrated—love a man who loves sports.

Sign on the door that reads “Welcome to our humble aBROde”—he’s punny.

Sex Signals “STOP” sign above his bed—he knows that “no” means “no.”

He’s a man’s man but is still in touch with his softer side—plus we want to keep him around to employ his organizational skills.

MARRY.