Imagined Commentary: Famous Alums Review The Game

Mark Zuckerberg

The Game? Wait, you’re not talking about FarmVille? Oh, right. That game, Harvard-Yale. To be honest, I don’t remember a lot of what happened that day. I mean, we had our hack-a-thon that Friday night—me and my Yale buddies from Exeter. I think we had a shot every time we finished 50 lines of code, but my memory is fuzzy there. Even computers can’t help with that. I do remember that my buddy, he was so drunk that he decided it would be a good idea to create a website for the Porcellian club. It’s full of lolcatz and memes.

ee cummings

the game of foot ball as played

the great point is not so rough as

not nearly so bad as

the rolling maul

shoulder him and shove him over

but mustnot touch him

with your hands (i recall)

the boys i mean are not refined

run)ning

in redsandblues from the whistle-man

whist

Inter

ception

ling

she says she doesnot understand

allbundledincheeringstands&

says Do you have what we call

tackling?

i do not know

why

(she mustnot know why)

i simply cannot recall

“block

ing”

Cambridge ladies

who live in furnished souls

of dropkicks have little care

(they fly the sport

for different game

of fox and bee and bear)

but i will stand

in stand(s) ing

stands

&find more pleasures

there

Tyra Banks

You know, as a Harvard alumna (or a supermodel/actress/author/philanthropist/singer/media mogul extraordinaire, but who’s keeping track, right?), I thought I would return to my alma mater and be respected. As I’m sure you’ve heard, I was the first African-American woman on the cover of the coveted Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue, so I know a thing or two about The Game. Now that I think about it, modeling is not that different from football. Us models wear makeup to feel confident, fierce, and in control. That’s what that face paint is for, isn’t it? Even my trademark booty tooch is in line with football players’ padding. I always tell my girls, “Do your thang.” You wanna be on top? Be yourself, but be your best self. Do more, never less. Go to Harvard.