Breaking Down the $30 Million House
How much does a House at Harvard cost? The Hutchins Family Foundation recently donated $30 million to support the Harvard House Renewal and other academic programs. In case you too have $30 million sitting in your pocket, or just are eager to do a lot of shopping, here are five ways to “pimp le pad”—as they say in Europe.
STOCK UP ON TOILET PAPER
Avoid the hassle and embarrassment of asking for toilet paper multiple times a week and just stockpile your own. The extra rolls can double as bed risers, end tables, or even mattress pads. And at the average price of $1 per roll you can’t lose.
INVEST IN 125 PERSONAL CHEFS FOR FOUR YEARS
Tired of the same old cafeteria food? According to the internet, personal chefs cost about $60,000 a year. #HotBreakfasts4Lyfe
LOUNGE ON 120,000 FUTONS
Line your room—and ALL the rooms—with hundreds of thousands of futons from Harvard Student Agencies. At $250 a piece, a slew of these mattress-cum-sofa pieces ensure that entertaining Harvard-Yale guests will never be the same.
TREAT YOURSELF TO 375,000 CAPPUCCINO MAKERS
Perfect for when you need that extra jolt of caffeine and want to avoid the trek to the dining hall (N.B.: option four only worthwhile at the exclusion of option two).
RAGE ALL NIGHT WITH 600,000 DISCO BALLS
And make them all fit in your room. Hang them from the ceiling, the walls, the shower—anything. Turn them all on at once, start the music, and get ready to host the most intense disco party Harvard has ever seen. In the words of that one Yelp reviewer on page five, OONTS OONTS OONTS.