Meeting Minutes We Think Could Be Real (But Aren’t)


President: How many petitions have we collected for today?

Freshman Rep.: Forty-three! Sorry, but I took a break to sleep last Tuesday.

President: Great, just shred them. Next issue on the agenda. What do what we want to do with the results of the HUDS satisfaction survey?

Student Rep.: After running several algorithms and a Doodle poll, we’ve found that adding five minutes to the third brain break of every month would make a huge difference in overall student satisfaction. Let’s prepare another survey over the next few months.

President: Excellent!

Student Rep.: Actually, to be honest, sometimes I just feel really frustrated. You know, after 375 years of Harvard running okay, who am I to try to effect big change?

President: You know what? My freshman year, I organized a task force that would appoint a committee to oversee the feasibility of creating a different committee that would start an investigation into the possibility of a student center.

Student Rep.: No way! As a freshman?!

President: Yeah...well, it was my freshman project. And my sophomore project...and my junior one, too.


President: It’s official. We’ve been banned from all of the lists other than the Meditation Club because they’re too zen to ban us, and Crimson Key because they can’t figure out how to. Alternative spamming ideas?

Study Group Director: What if we partnered with HUDS? Customized waffle irons, maybe?

Student Outreach Coordinator: Nah, my friends tried it out once for the Veritas Financial Group. You can only get one word on the iron. Complete waste of money.

Study Group Director: That doesn’t matter, because I’ve just perfected our Facebook event invite: Palatino Linotype. Forty-eight point type. At least seven different colors. Alternating italics and bold, highlighting in a color that reduces contrast, and a five paragraph essay on the study group leader.